Chemo #3

Chemo #3- or alternative title, Shit Got Real

This post will be filled with truth and probably a ton of profanities.  I did try to write it a couple days ago to make chemo #3 all up lifting and jolly.  How fun, a Chemo recap looking through rose colored glasses.  But, a day later and a few doughnut holes later, it's truth time.  The truth with cancer treatment is not pretty at ALL. Chemo sucks.

Breast Cancer is a weird thing.  I am now part of this weird cancer sisterhood. I have to share a couple quotes from a new friend, Adrienne, that I keep going back to.

"...I think you will find it's all okay in the name of getting to live.  If you just remember we are doing all of this so we don't die; it makes more sense."

"[My] Doctor said, 'There is nothing normal about Cancer.' He advised me to try and do my normal stuff, but not to forget I am forever changed."

Cancer has changed me, chemo has changed me.  Part of the changes will be temporary, but I know some will be a life long change I will carry with me.  Luckily, this stupid chemo mouth taste thing will go away with time, but since I can actually TASTE chocolate, that would be where those doughnut holes come in. PS- I am typically NOT a chocolate doughnut eater, this again, is the weird ass chemo side effects.  I do typically love water, but it tastes HORRIBLE, and smells are getting to me again.  It's like a bizarre pregnancy, I can't eat or drink, or deal with smells, and I'm gaining weight.  Comparing this to pregnancy, when this is all over, I will be birthing a life-- mine.  A new life, cancer free when I can live again and the memory of chemo will fade away, just like my new stretch marks.  

Right now, my life is modified.  Like Adrienne reminded me, I am doing all this chemo crap to LIVE.  I really want to live.  I am beyond lucky to have a treatable cancer.  I have learned since chemo #3, treatable does NOT mean easy.  There is a billboard on my way home from chemo and the oncologist office stating, "No treatment cancer is easy." None are easy, all treatments are different and sucky in their own ways.

Cancer treatment is damn hard.  Even with all the support, prayers and love (it does help a ton- I could NOT imagine doing this all alone), it's fricking hard. I am trying to be as "normal" as possible.  To me, my new normal is being able to run a 5K the day before chemo, but, 3 days after chemo, walking up a flight of stairs is like running a marathon.  My new normal is, for one week a month I can really TASTE foods, and enjoy life.  I feel myself one week a every 21 days, the other 14 days, honestly, I fake it.  Apparently, I fake it so well, my daughter never sees me as sick, she sees me as "Mommy is being lazy."

Only through the eyes of a sweet, well meaning, 6 year old, can I be called lazy.  She was frustrated that I would not get up to go play outside with her.  It was post chemo day 2, I was in energy conserving mode to make sure I would be able to attend her Christmas Concert.  She did not know.  She just wanted Mommy to play, and I wouldn't.  It's hard having these moments.  I really wonder in the future, what Connor and Calista will remember from all this.  I really hope they do not remember much.

I am still bouncing back from this chemo.  My mouth feels as if there is a film all around it, my tongue has sores and feels fat and heavy.  I debate everything I put in my mouth, it cannot be crunchy, or too acidic, or hard.  Doughnut holes are surprisingly soft to eat-  healthy NOPE, but at least I can taste those.  The downfall of those are, my stomach hates them.  TMI here, but, there has been a gastric issue I cannot quite shake, compliments of chemo number 3.  I am growing frustrated with feeling like blah.  I am desperately trying to get out of this, but the fatigue and frustration are eating away at my resolve.

Tuesday was ugly.  It was ugly enough that at 6:20am Jeff and I were terrified.  Luckily, that eventually passed and I spent the day on the couch.  Wednesday, I went back to work.  Smart idea? I'm not sure.  But, I am trying.  The cumulative effect of this treatment is a pain in my very social ass.  I know this will pass in a few days, it always does. But, right now, my port hurts.  I went in yesterday for blood work and fluids.  Now, Lucifer is angry.  My hips and back are killing me from the Nuelasta shot.  I'm tired of feeling tired, I'm crabby, and in general I'm tired of not feeling like me.  

I am doing all this to live, just like Adrienne reminds me.  It's not lost on me that not everyone lives with breast cancer.  I am a lucky one. I have a treatable cancer with great survival rates.  Knowing that, still does not mean chemo is going to get any easier.    I know it will get harder, and I will have harder days ahead.  

I will not give up, but I think it's okay to state, this shit is hard.  So far I've only hit on the physical aspect.  Emotionally and physiologically are totally other subjects.  I probably need a therapist, but whatever.  I am doing my self talk to allow my body to do what ever it needs the next few months to get through this.  I am giving myself permission to say, NO.  No is so hard for me.  I have been cancelling plans, and  I hate disappointing people.  Right now, my focus is on Jeff and the kids.  I want to use my energy for them.  So, please do not be upset if I say no, or have to cancel. I honestly cannot do it all.  Especially with Christmas a week away, I am terrified I am missing a gift or forgetting someone.  I know I am.  I have not had the energy to make my traditional breads, pizzelles, fudge or cookies.  I am hoping next week I will, but there are no guarantees.  

Bottom line, this is a post written by a lady who was smacked down by chemo 3.  I'm getting back up, just a lot slower than before.  I'm doing my best to do all things with grace and a smile, it's just getting harder. But, I can do hard. Three chemos down, three to go.  I'm ready.

In the words of Freddie Mercury:

"I'll face it with a grin

I'm never giving in

On, with the show."

-Queen

The Show Must Go On 

Bring on Chemo #4. 

Things that are Difficult with Foobs (and a Lucifer)

1. Opening child proof medicine bottles.
Really, it's a huge ordeal.  I have leaned to hold the bottle in my palm, then pull down on the cap with my fingers and twist.  If I try to open it "normal" it is hard on the foobs.

2. Opening a jar - like Olives, that may or may not be a for a Martini
Nothing made me feel weaker than when I had to focus all my energy on opening a jar of Spanish Queen Olives.

3. Closing my trunk.
Reaching up to push that SUV hatch down-- I have to use both hands on the button on my key fab to close it.  Think how much of your chest you use closing that.

4. Opening doors that pull
Nothing like a nice heavy to pull door to make me pause.  I pull a little until I can get my foot in and kick it open.

5. Putting on a seat belt- because of Lucifer
I have a little pillow Jeff's Mom made me to cushion the area (Thanks Jayne).

6. Carrying my children...
You can imagine how much that upsets me.

7. Carrying laundry from the washer to the dryer.

8. Wiping down any counter
Again, it's the arm motion.

9. Sweeping or vacuuming
For real, that is not fun and bugs the foobs.

10. Giving people a proper hug.
I have to drift to the left so Lucifer does not get hit, then I have to hug lightly as not to hurt the foobs.  It's a problem.

OK, so basically anything that uses a lot of pectoral or chest muscles is still super difficult even 9 weeks out of surgery.  But, many things are MUCH easier.  I used to have difficult opening the refrigerator door (but no issues stuffing my face) and I used to not be able to reach to hang up my robe.  I have come a long way, but these few things still annoy me. 

Just a little quick blurb on the chilly Friday!!  Who knew my biggest nemesis was a child poof medicine bottle?

Chemo #2 a ReCap of Fun

**Note, I initially wrote this in a chemo fog, re-read it, then basically rewrote the entire thing. WOW, writing in a chemo fog is NOT a good idea!!!

Well, that was a friggin mess. Chemo is a big, giant pain in my ass.  I am 1/3 of the way through, only 4 more left. Before 2016, I will have 4 rounds done.  So, yes, that means I will have two rounds in December.  I'm betting I will not be on Santa's good list.  But, if he has a crabby from chemo list, I'll be at the top.

The day of chemo, I decided it would be all cool and Rocky like if I went on a 4 mile run.  A great F-U to cancer and chemo, I'm going to run 4 miles.  Miles 1 and 2, were fast, I felt great.  I felt "normal."  Around mile 3 I knew I had a problem, and I was still about a mile from home.  By 3.3 miles, I had a massive problem, and I was NOT near home.  My body was trying to betray me and my stool softeners decided it was a great time to start working.    The mind- body connection, the brain versus anal sphincter connection---- it's bad.  Things did not end well.  I did not finish my 4 miles, and there is nothing like having internal dialog debating if anyone will see if you poop in the woods. 

Needless to say, I did make it to chemo (with clean pants- thanks).  Nothing exciting about chemo.  I sat in a chair while poison went in my body.  My fellow survivor, Heather, came to visit me.  The infusion center is a weird place.  Nurses try to be very light hearted and liven up the place a bit.  But, it is a sad place.  You can try to pump in as much joy and fun as you want, but it still feels sterile and kind of depressing.  Chairs line the walls, filled with people hooked up to infusion pumps.  Some have visitors that sit and read or talk.  All of us are just waiting to hear the beeping sound of the bag being empty to signal the nurse to hook up the next bag of poison.  I just want it to be over, so I can then worry about when will the fog hit me. How will the next few days feel, etc.  By the end of the evening,  I crashed.

Me sporting my plastic wrap over my EMLA cream to numb my port.

Chemo #2

 Day 1 post chemo seemed ok, then I received my booster shot.  That shot ended up being one of my biggest pain in the bones ever.  A side effect of the booster is bone pain, because it's job is to stimulate white blood cell growth.  How does it do it, via the bone marrow!  Welcome to science!!  Boy, did I have bone pain.  It woke me up from a dead sleep.  I now have a new appreciation for what our children feel with growing pains.   The doctors suggested Tylenol for the pain.  They might as well have suggested a nice glass of water.  Thanks.

My cranium

My sweet Grad School Roomie, Jen, sent me some new lipsticks. As Connor says this is how people will know I am a girl.

CC and I in our matching skull caps (thanks Jess)

The weekend was weird Day 2 and 3, I felt oddly good.  Really good.  We took the kids to the Festival of Lights, and enjoyed an evening out.  It was nice to be out in the fresh air. 

Then came day 4.  Day 4 is just evil. I did not want to do anything, my bones ached, my head was heavy, and I just felt off kilter.  The kids did not have school and thank God they were fine with playing electronics and watching TV.  Jeff had to come pick me up for a fun visit to see Dr. Chin and check on the Foobs.  The Foobs are doing great, and I have a follow-up in 6 weeks.  Oh, and yes, I got yelled at for doing too much.

Day 5. On day 5, a friend took the kids out (thanks Connie) for a few hours.  I was able to go grocery shopping and nap.  I must have looked how I felt at the grocery store.  I could feel people giving me the "oh that lady looks sick" look.  Well, breast cancer people even need a Thanksgiving turkey!!  My mother confirmed it when I went to visit her, she took one look at me and exclaimed, "You look awful."  Only my Mom can get away with that.

Day 6.  I was brave.  Calista talked me into wearing a wig.  So, I did. We went to lunch with family, and I swear I felt like that wig was moving all over my head.  It felt so odd, and hot. Wigs are HOT and not really comfortable.  I can see I will wear one when Calista asks me, but it really felt self-conscience in it. After lunch, I decided to hit up Starbucks and the grocery (because I forgot things the day before).  I was brave because I did each of those trips without a wig or a hat.  Me and my pretty bald head did it.  I don't know if people stared or even if they cared. I did not care, my head was hot.   When I got back in my car, I was proud of me.  I did not really give it a second thought, until I was ordering my drink, and realized I was bald.  I just continued on like any other day. 

Anita the wig and I (named after my Great Aunt Nita)

Day 7 was Thanksgiving.  Simply put, I did too much and was up too late. 

Took Jeff on a 2 mile run. I felt good, but, probably was not my best idea....

Sporting our Thanksgiving hats

All Smiles

So, that explains....

Day 8, blood work check!  Well, my white blood cells were good, but I felt like crap.  The nurses decided I needed fluids, so, 1 and a 1/2 bags of fluid and 2 hours later, I felt a bit better.

Fluid fun!

We rounded out the weekend with several family celebrations for Christmas which were a bunch of fun.  But, since I feel like a decrepit 120 year old, I was EXHAUSTED.  I am still exhausted.  But, I can't sleep. Food sounds bad, because chemo mouth is back. I am tired and whiney.  And I start back to work this week.

What I have really realized is, each round it going to get harder and harder.  Which I knew, but like anything, unless you live through it, you really don't know.  I hate that round 3 is right before Christmas, and that round 4 is right before the New Year.  And here I am complaining about it all. Woe, is Kim.  However, I should thank my lucky stars.  I met a sweet lady who has chemo every 21 days, and goes in the hospital for hers.  She is hooked up for 96 hours of continuous chemo.  She explained she goes in on Monday then leaved around Friday at 5:00pm.  Wow.  That is NUTS.  So, my little 6 hours every 21 days, is cake.  I am just not used to being so tired, so forgetful, and so not myself.  The forgetful, "chemo brain" is scary.  Chemo brain is like taking a glimpse into dementia.  I forget things, cannot come up with words or finish thoughts, it terrifies me.  I know what I am trying to say, but the words and thoughts are just lost in my brain.  I hear this side effect is typically reversible, but that it gets worse before better. 

Basically, today is 13 days post chemo, and I finally feel pretty normal.  This took 3 days longer than my first round.  Let's hope the next round is better.

On the work front, I am beginning back at work.  HR has my leave so messed up, it's imperative I get back to work.  I have 3 weeks and 2 days left of FMLA.  I plan to try intermittent leave, when I get back.  This will allow me to take off chemo days and bad days, and work the rest.  Hopefully this will work.  But, I fear HR will mess this up again.  I would kind of like to receive a paycheck at some point before Christmas.  I pretty well prepared for everything, except the issues with my leave.  That is as big a pain in my ass as chemo! The game plan is to use intermittent leave and see how far that goes.  Once that time is exhausted, my options are use vacation time or go on continuous short term disability.  I figure I will cross that bridge if it comes to that. 

Pre-Chemo Day

Thanks for all the support!! Yesterday, I did end up cutting my hair shorter.  I have to say, the #3 guard, I like this hair cut the best.  Finally, my hair does not hurt that much. 

 

I was helping the kids with homework, and it was just falling out around me.  I took matters in my own hands and cut it.  This is probably be the last step until it's all gone.  Connor and Calista both think it is a boy hair cut.  We reviewed the facts of the matter. I reminded them, "The medicine Mommy takes, makes her hair fall out.  But, it will be back."  I decided to not wear a hat to our little cheer party, a few of the little girls came up and asked where my hair went.  I gave them the same explanation.  Then a few asked to touch it- no worries! Connor states people can tell I'm a girl because I wear lipstick.  I have to say, I asked him, if my boobs (foobs) would be an indicator.  He said no, some boys also have boobs, but they hang down.  [OMG- I about died when he explained that to me!!!!] To insure I look like a girl, I need to start wearing more lipstick.  I used to wear it a lot, but, when I started in the pulmonary function business, I got tired of seeing it on all the filters an mouth pieces we use on the equipment to measure lung function.  So, I stopped wearing it.  Time to break it back out.

 

In pre-chemo day, we are back on uber healthy food choices, I have to say, yesterday was my cheat day.  I have my chemo notebook back charting my meds and foods.  I have to start my steroids today and go back on the ole stool softener.  As you recall, being stopped up was a BIG, GIANT issue last time. TMI, but it is the truth of the matter.

Yesterday, my eyes were fine.  But, today, my stupid left eye is back acting like an asshole.  I figure, I will just keep putting in a new contact until my surplus is gone.  (Aside, I wear disposable contacts.  I have been in contacts since I was entering 4th grade.  I switched to 15 day disposable a long time ago, hence why I have a surplus.) 

In any case, today I finish up laundry, ensure we are stocked up on things, call the stupid HR group.  The HR mess is obnoxious.  Number 1, they have been contacting the WRONG doctor this whole time. Number 2, the doctor they SHOULD have been contacting, HR has had the WRONG phone/fax number since September.  Tell me, who the hell have they been contacting this whole time?! I think it's safe to say, I will not be receiving a pay check this week.  Incompetent jerks.

I'm going to take my husband's advice he left me this morning....

HR and Cancer can suck it.

Chemo Side Effects are Sucktastic

Well, I think this photo pretty well speaks 1,000 words and sums up how I felt this weekend.

It all began Friday when my hair started falling out. And falling out, out, out.  I was not amused.  So, like anyone, I freaked out. Had a little moment and watched it fall.  The irony of it all was, I was hold with my insurance company.  I was inquiring about my cranial prosthesis. According to Cigna, it is an artificial device and not covered.  I figure this is my sign that I am to rock the cue ball. 

Like any over sharing person, I vented my frustration on Facebook then ran to my Mom's house.  Since Mom was a hair dresser, she was able to cut my hair a little shorter.  We took this picture mid-cut. (Thanks, Mom!)

 

 

Post hair cut, I went to Macy's, grabbed a few hats and hit the Clinque counter.  An hour later, I had two cute hats and new eye makeup.  Here is a new makeup and hat preview.... And yes, that is the price tag still hanging down, just like Minnie Pearl from Hee-Haw.

 

Then my Father contacted me and stated he would cover the cost of a new wig for me, which was super sweet (Thanks, Dad!!!). 

My neighbor lent me two cute shag wigs, and a dear friend also lent me a very special wig, that belonged to a very special cancer warrior who lost her fight.  I will wear it with pride. 

I also decided to try a fancy head wrap.  I nailed the wrap, however, let's just agree this is not my color.  I kind of look like I belong on a camel in the desert. 

 

 

While dealing with the stupid hair situation, next up my eyes decided to revolt.  Apparently, some people have issues wearing contacts during chemo. Chemo not only dries your mouth but also can cause dry eyes.  Now, to be honest, it could be allergies.  Whatever it is, my left eye is annoying.  I hate my glasses. Not wearing my contacts makes me feel totally and completely like that insecure second grader who was called four eyes. I hate them.

 



Having your hair fall out due to chemo sucks and it hurts.  If you have ever had a perm, you know how your hair hurts because it is pulled so tight on the rod?  Yep, feels like that.  Showering to wash it, hurts.  Touching it hurts.  While no one seems ready for me to lose my hair, I'm DONE with it.  I've tried to play nice, and now it's being a jerk.  No one wants hair that hurts.  Considering I have spent my entire life being tender headed- this is totally a slap in the face!!

By the end of the day, I could not take the hair or contact situation anymore.  I am totally cool with the hair thing.  On the other hand, I am NOT cool with this stupid eye thing.  I am truly vain enough to stay at home if I have to wear my glasses. Bald head- no worries, glasses are my deal breaker.

Finally, Jeff admitted seeing me in hair pain was too much, and agreed to help me shave it down a bit.  For some reason the shorter it is, it does not hurt as much.  The kids helped too, I'll have to post those pictures tomorrow (or later).  Here is my knight in shining armor helping me even out my new #6 guard hard do.  My Mother is going to flip. 

I'm balding and wearing glasses.  All I need is a pot belly and I can turn into a middle aged man.  

The Up Time

It's a weird feeling to have Up time and Down time.  Where I thought I was doing MUCH better last week, I totally jumped the gun.  I must admit, things were still very foggy, my memory was slow to recall, food was still weird, I was EXHAUSTED and a hint crabby.  I really thought that how I felt Tuesday was my new normal.  Luckily, I was so very wrong....

Wednesday, things seemed ever better.  I was still fighting some mouth issues, this Chemo mouth things is the worst.  How to describe my experience, know when you burn the tip of your tongue and it feels raw for about a day, my tongue has felt raw for 2 weeks.  I have a feeling this may be one of the things that follows me.  My mouth, as a whole, just felt weird, almost like how it feels with a sore throat.  That is the best way I can describe it.  It felt red (it was) and I had a small blister in it.  It just hurt.  The Oncologist's paper work suggested a rinse of baking soda and salt.  So, in my best nod to Pinterest, I mixed up a big batch in a Mason jar and have it by my sink.  And yes, this concoction tastes as lovely as it sounds (ick).  But, it does work, my mouth started feeling better after a couple days. 

Since I did continue my diary of how I was feeling, I can tell you this.  My entry on November 7th was, I FEEL NORMAL!!!! Therefore it took a good 9 days post chemo to get back to my "baseline."  I felt it imperative to take full advantage of my good days. 

I was strong enough to do a Yoga class.  I still skipped downward dogs and planks.  I lie I tried 1 downdog (after this Friday, I am released to do them), and I did a plank, which was fine, BUT I cannot lower to my stomach yet.  Still too much for my new foobs/ pecs.  Here is my thought process on yoga.  Many women post double mastectomy need physical therapy to regain their full range of motion.  For me, yoga IS my physical therapy. The range of motion exercises, the whole body, mind, spirit practice is exactly what my body needs.  I will 100% say, I was able to increase some range of motion, as well as I felt I was able break up stiffness around my implants.  Oddly enough, I felt like they loosened up to seem a lot more normal. Also, I could feel sensations more.  I figured the increased blood flow due to activity has to be good to facilitate the healing of the nerves and other vasculature.  Laymans terms, my Foobs felt more like Boobs - finally.  Yoga must be continued.

On Sunday, we spent the WHOLE DAY OUT as a family.  We did the Zoo, the Aquarium, and Gameworks. It was a long day, but it was much needed for the kids.  I have REALLY focused on spending quality time with them.  Calista seems to be doing better, as does Connor.  I am trying so hard to keep their world normal, but it is impossible.  I found a children's book that deals with the topic of a Mom going through Chemo and Cancer.  The title is Nowhere Hair by Sue Glader.  I would like to say I read it to the kids without crying, but I did tear up.  I just hate that it is affecting the kids and Jeff.  But, really Calista is the one that is having the hardest time.  It breaks my heart.

Now feeling normal, I'm spending my good days cleaning, cooking, preparing for next week when I have chemo and the bottom falls out again.  I have been researching and learned the cocktail I am on most assuredly will make my hair begin to fall out 2 to 4 weeks after my first dose.  Today, is exactly 2 weeks. I just ran my fingers through my hair and 4 strands came out.  I am sitting here pondering... Was it time for these hairs to fall out? Just because? Or are my follicles beginning to give up? You know for the next two weeks, every hair I see I am going to wonder if this is when it all goes.  Honestly, I'm ready for it to go.  I am trying to embrace short hair, but-- it's not me.  As much as I want to keep hair, I'd rather start wearing quirky hats.  Except my head is the size of a pea.  (Aside:  I have long realized the proportions of my head to body ratio are all wrong). I should probably take the time to pick out a real wig and use my cranial prosthesis prescription.  That may be my job today, call insurance see what is covered, then find a wig place.  Blah. 

Today, I will also face the hell that is our short term disability HR people.  The capacity of people to be so inept in their job is staggering.  I learned, yesterday, the folks have had the WRONG phone and fax number for my doctor handling my case.  So, all this paper work they are sending-- where is exactly is it going? All the calls they have made-- who the hell have they been calling.  All along, this mistake has been there.  It's been a real pain in my ass.  My physicians have now been faxing me the info, right after sending it to my disability group.  For some reason I receive the faxes, but the HR department must have a black hole where all the faxes about me reside.  Let's just say today I should be receiving a call from a supervisor.

I did learn I have two options-- well three. 
1. Return to work and use vacation for any off days.
2. Try something called Intermittent Leave.  This will allow me to work on good days (with full pay), then take off the bad days (disability pay).  I spoke with the Medical Records lady at the oncologists office and she stated they could write it up so EVERY DAY would be eligible to be a leave day until the last chemo.
3. Remain on leave through chemo

As my astute Uncle put it, my work ethic is what keeps me from embracing option 3.  I already feel like a giant slackass missing all this work.  My poor co-workers... You have to remember there are 3 people in the USA that do my job. 3.  They have been picking up my slack and encouraging me to just heal and relax.

I fear with option 2, my lovely HR folks will end up messing up my pay.  I have no faith that they would be able to do this properly.  But, I may try it.  I have until December 2nd.  That much time will allow me to see how I respond and recover from chemo #2.

Well, to leave you with a classic Kim funny....Standing outside, without a coat, it was a little chilly.  Know how the wind blows and you shiver... My body shivered, then my foob shivered and scared the heck out of me.... New party trick, shivering foobs.  I am totally going to figure out how to animate these happy hooters....

First Session Review

Nothing like using your analytical mind to assess the past few days.

Let me tell you, there is no way in hell I would have been able to type that sentence yesterday. 

This entry is more for me, to recall what happened the past few days.  What I need to change for the next session, and what I need to do the same.

Obviously, I lived on chemo day.  I think I was just more concerned of the unknown, than anything.  Thankfully, some kind friends watched my little ones for me, then kindly sent me on my way with breakfast, soup, and awesome cookies (thanks, Dunn Family)!  What happened after we all got home, NO CLUE.  I swear I have been on a bender since Friday. 

Friday, I saved every bit of energy I had to attend the kids Halloween parties at school.  My plan was to take the kids with me to my booster shot appointment at the doctor's office.  Smarter people than I decided to borrow my kids so I could get my shot alone (Thanks, Heather!).  Luckily, the shot (and driving) was fine.  What did I learn?

1. There are people EVERYWHERE watching out for me and my family.  I asked for help and everyone was ready to step in at a moments notice.
2. Chemo day-- kids need somewhere to go after school. 
3. I have no problem hanging out in chemo land alone, but it was nice to have visitors (for short times).  Honestly, if people want to hang, I am going to feel as if I need to amuse and talk to people.  It was nice to just have short visits, then a ride home. Apparently, I'm a boring loaner.
4.  Plan booster shot while kids are at school; make kids ride bus home.
5.  It's OK to say, "No, sorry I need to rest" and not have guilt.

PS- Thanks, AZJenn for the delicious fruit and Aunt Jackie, for the food delivery on Friday!!!

Saturday, I felt OK, but I was concerned about the vomit factor.  I still had no clue if I would hurl.  My sweet neighbor, Chellee, drove me to our beloved Saturday morning yoga.  Our dear friend, and yogi, focused on a class filled with gentle movements, range of motion, and gentle, gentle yoga.  It was perfect.   

The rest of Saturday, I saved ALL MY ENERGY for trick or treat. Jeff and I had a nice time taking the kids around, while Mammy and Paw-Paw manned our house handing out goodies to kids.  Thanks, Jayne and Bill for the help!!!!  By, 9:30 the kids were sacked out, and I was icing Lucifer the port. 

Biggest side chemo side effect-- TASTE.  Blah.  Nothing tasted right. Then as the day progressed, I could tell my old nemesis, delayed gastric emptying, was making an appearance.  I have not had an issue with that since I was in my first trimester with Calista.  So, the answer was small meals.  But, really, nothing was moving, so not much food happened after lunch on Saturday.

Once Sunday hit, all my post chemo drugs had been taken.  Honestly, can't recall much of Sunday.  I know I did not drive. I know I did not feel very well.  I know I cleaned out my entire closet and chest of drawers.  I think I watched most of the Bengals game.  But, Sunday-- a blur. 

Monday, the kids had a dentist appointment.  Boy did I want to cancel that.  But, we went.  I decided to tell the dentist, I'm not doing any treatment plans until after March.  Let me get on the other side of this chemo thing.  And, honestly, I am really debating getting a second opinion on the dental situation.  Again, things I will consider later.  

Looking back, Monday, was by far the worse day.  I had that weird steroid energy, I cleaned another closet.  Then the rest of my day was spent having discussions with my digestive system.  Chemo REALLY reeked havoc on my digestion.  Having delayed gastric emptying and being all stopped up was a MAJOR problem.  The oncologist office called and suggested a laxative.  Another first for me, in 40 years, I've never used one.  All I had on hand was a kids pedialax.  Well, it worked, a little too good; then I was scared to leave the house.  Thankfully, a fellow Breast Cancer survivor picked my kids up from school for me.  Thanks, Katie!!!

I was not a nice person Monday.  I was tired, crabby, uncomfortable, and did not want to parent.  Soon enough, Jeff came home and I went to bed. Day 4- sleep, Kim.  Just sleep.

Adjustments for next Session:
1. Start small meals ASAP.
2. Soup, make sure I have soup for chemo day through day 4 (avoid acidic soup)
3. Stool softener, it's my new friend
4. Water, water, water
5.  DO NOT schedule anything for days 3 and 4. Don't expect me to think or be productive on days 3 or 4, unless there is a closet to clean.
6. Figure out Red Box- we will be doing a lot of movies this winter
7. SLEEP

Weird Chemo Side Effects to Note:
1. Taste totally altered
2. Delayed Gastric Emptying
3. Digestion distress
4. FATIGUE
5. Chemo Brain

Now, here I am on day 5 post chemo.  Feeling so much better, but I am going to do my best to lay low and enjoying starting the upswing.  My trusty pup and I are going to try a very short walk.  Such a long way from running a 1/2 marathon, I am just hoping to walk the "flats" of our neighborhood to get in a good 0.5 miles to get my systems back online.

I know this entry is jumbled and odd and not my best work.  This is where my brain, body and spirit are right now.  If anything, this post will remind me to cherish my health- even on the bad days!!!

Chemo Time

*The tense on this post changes, since I wrote some right before chemo and most when I got home**

Just another ordinary day for most.  The doctors have done this before, so have the nurses.  But, this is going to be all new for me.

I have a bag packed, filled of things to keep me amused for the next 5 to 6 hours.  I may even try to blog during all this craziness.  A good friend, Jessica, dropped off a chemo survival kit. 

Breast Cancer Warriors

In my bag is a blanket, a cup, Mad Libs, my iPad, a notebook, coloring book,  tissues, lotion, hand sanitizer, snacks, gum, rosary, pens, water bottle, and my medications. 

Now, ask me what I used....
1. Zebra Blanket-- so cozy
2. Ipad - but my ear buds were busted!!! No sound!!  Luckily, Katie (a Foobie Friend) came to the rescue with a new pair for me!  As well as a pretty blanket (also cozy) and a new pretty water bottle. 
3. Water cup
4. Snacks
5. Lotion
6. Gum

I did wear some special items, my Lokai bracelet (thanks Susan), a new Survivor bracelet (made with handmade clay beads (thanks Nicole), and a new Survivor charm on my necklace engraved with the initials CJ and CC (thanks Holly).  I was prepared.

No lying, I was a hint nervous on the drive.  I hate walking into the unknown.  Luckily, I had my handsome fellow with me.  Jeff's job was carrying in my bag full of stuff.  We were both nervous. All I kept flashing back to was a horrible vomiting scene in the 1991 movie, Dying Young.  That left an impression demonstrating the hell that chemo was in the 90s.  It's 25 years later, so thing have to be better, right?

Right off the bat, I was a BAD patient. I was supposed to pre-dose with a steroid medication.  I forgot. Whoops. OK...

We entered the Chemo Suite, I was in chair 16.  Not the best location, it was on a corner and people kept accidentally knocking into me. Whoops.  The first step is baseline blood work.  I was golden, good platelets, good white blood cells, good hemoglobin! Go me!  Then bag #1 started.

Bag 1 - Pre-drugs.  Mostly stuff to keep me from getting nauseated.  I also, had a pill to take at this point as well.   Bag 1 is the fast bag--- 15 minutes to go in!!!

Bag 2- Taxotere. This was the bag that made people nervous, because no one knew if I would have an allergic reaction.  Luckily I did not. This guy took almost 2 hours.

Bag 3- Carboplatin.  This bag also took over an hour.

Bag 4 - Herceptin.  This bag took one hour and forty minutes.

After Bag 4,  they removed my needles and I was DONE. I made it!  I had a couple visitors come in for little chunks of time.  Jeff, my friend Katie H, and Jayne (Jeff's Mom, who I forgot to get a selfie with) swung by.  It was super nice, but I also had time to pray and watch a little Sons of Anarchy.  A perfect balance. And no one just sat and stared at me.  That is what I did not want, people looking at me, weepy like "woe-is-Kim."  No negative Nellies invited.

I was able to obtain a flu shot and my schedule for the rest of the year.  Before Jan 1, I will have 4 treatments COMPLETE.

In a nut shell this is how chemo land works this week.
Oct. 29  Chemo Day
Oct. 30 at 3:20 pm  Shot to stimulate white blood cell growth (at least I think that is what it is doing)
Nov.5, Blood work CBCD

Chemo is every 21 days, the "booster" shot is always the day after chemo, then the week after is blood work. After the blood work, I have 7 days before my next chemo.  Got it? Head spinning? Mine is. 

I am a normal person with a normal job; let's look at this.  Starting today, I will have to visit that office at LEAST 12 times before 2016.  That is essentially 2 weeks of vacation time I get to use.   Our government will allow me to use my FMLA time, yet that is UNPAID, and I am not as independently wealthy as I'd like to be. I am see the big business of cancer.  As a health care consumer, the time I need support, there is little out there for a professional to receive proper treatment without wasting vacation time.  Vacation is going to the beach, or a staycation.   Not sitting in a chair for 5 hours while a machine pumps toxins into me. Just makes me wonder why and how this has never been really properly addressed.  Yes, FLMA keeps my job.  But, I feel as if short term disability needs to have a few "chemo days" that can be utilized.  In order for me to qualify for short term, I had to waste 5 vacation days.  I will stop short term disability soon, if I need another chunk of time off, I have to waste those 5 vacation days again. To quote my Gramma, it's horseshit.

In a final note, they removed Lucifer's needle.  Oh sweet Jesus, it feels so much better!!! Lucy and I shall be friends!!

Here is Lucifer with her giant dressing, and you can see my scars healing.  This was before the needle was removed giving easy access.  As for the implants, that is a 400cc implant.  We still have some tweaking to do, but first I have to finish healing and finish chemo.  Then we tweak the new Foobies.

Finally, against medical advise, (lol) Jeff and I have begun our special count down.  I figure even of I take a SIP out of it, it still counts.... (alcohol is contraindicated during chemo, as are some foods I like,  I'm kind of back on the list of food to eat while pregnant). 

Sorry, Breast Cancer and chemo, we are doing this shit our way. Cheers!!!

Lucy the Port

Lucy, or Lucifer, the port is being a giant turd.  Before, I get too on a roll on how much it's being an asshat, let's review yesterday.

Jeff was kind enough to drive me to my procedure.  I hate the fact he is getting so comfortable at Christ Hospital, and more than "knows the drill."  It's getting to the point we recognize nurses and such.  I cannot believe I have had three surgeries in 1 month.  That is not including the biopsy from hell. 

A sweet nurse came in to start my IV.  Everything has to be done on my left side.  Since I had nodes removed, I cannot have blood pressures or blood draws on my right side.  The port had to go on my left side, since it is my non-cancer side.  For the rest of my life, my right and left will be described as my cancer and non-cancer side.

Anyway, IV nurse was sweet to say, "this will be your last IV stick in your arm for a long time!"  So, of course, I had to photo document it.

 

 

Here is my beloved with me. 

Hopefully the last time for a while we will be in this goofy little room.  I know we will be back.  But, not be until I get my new Foobies tweaked (i.e. Breast Revision surgery). 


Then I had a couple other visitors from Natalee and Dr. Miller. And I vaguely remember talking to Dr. Miller, the happy meds had kicked in.

All in all port placement went well.  Dr. Miller even was kind enough to draw me a nice tattoo on my dressings. (a happy face and my 13 chins)

See the dangling stuff, that will be attached to my chemo for tomorrow.  Since chemo is starting up, they were able to leave in a needle access so they do not need to do it again.  Those dangles are annoying. 

By last night, I felt as if someone punched me in the front and back of my shoulder.  Sitting up is OK.  But, leaning over or laying down-- HOLY COW.  That sensation is intense.  Hence why the port's name is Lucifer.  It's a slice of hell.  I'm sure Lucy and I will come to an understanding, but right now she hurts.  There are only specific positions my arm can rest in without an ache or pain.  I am guessing this must be how post shoulder surgery feels.  Right now typing, the laptop is on my lap, and that feels OK.  But, sitting at a desk typing- forget it--- PAIN.

Again this is temporary pain, I know it will heal and Lucy and I will learn to respect each other.  But, today she wins. I shall hold down the couch with Bailey and continue binge watching Sons of Anarchy.  The house will not get tidied up, laundry will remain in baskets... there is always tomorrow for all that crap.

Thanks again for all the love and support!!!!

Port of Call

I'd love to say this was a cruise related post.  However, it's a port related post...

Here's my left collar bone area. Port free....

 

 

Dr. Miller will be installing my port on Oct.27th.  This will allow for easier access for the chemo to enter into the Temple of Kim.  They say the body is a temple, so I'm on board. (HA- another boat related comment- WINNING!!!).

 

I had another appointment with my plastics group.  I am looking good, and healing well.  I have been cleared to run, cleared to work on my range of motion, cleared to massage the new tenants in my chest.  I need to ensure no unwanted scar tissue builds up, and that my new girls bounce and flounce al la Dolly Parton.  But, a much smaller version.  I was reminded to be patient for a few more months to allow for proper healing.

 

That is the overall "theme" I keep being told- it takes time. Be gentle.  Be strong.  Be patient.

 

I know this blog has been too positive; looking on the sunny side of things. I get the feeling people wonder if the happy face cracks.  It does and in some of the stupidest places for the dumbest reasons.

 

Last time I had a moment, I was in the emotional vortex known as Sam's Club.  I was simply looking for damn paper plates, as well as, other items I was unaware I even needed.  In the plate aisle, there was a new display of Christmas plates.  Last year, I used all my Christmas stock of paper goods.  So, I am in the market for some.  Do I need 200? Probably not, so I talked myself into leaving them on the shelf.  Then I looked at them again.  I thought, "Come on Kim, let's at least get to Halloween before thinking of Christmas."  I walked a away.  One aisle later, I had my moment.  "Shit, Kim, what if closer to Christmas you feel like shit and forget the plates for Christmas?"  Fuck you cancer. This is where I lost it. At Sam's over paper plates, because of cancer. I should NOT have to think about how I will feel at Christmas because of chemo.  It was a stupid moment, but I was really about to cry over stupid plates. 

 

I feel dumb when I have my moments.  I've ben reassured this should not "kill me."  Six. Six treatments.  Then Six more Herceptin treatments, then 10 years of pills.  I can do this.  SIX. Is just a blip on the screen.  It's pain in the ass, but totally doable. At least that is what I keep telling myself.   

 

But, before I get to start my count down, I need my port.  So, all aboard.  

Cranial Prosthesis

Your never prepared as much as you think you are. 

Sitting in an oncologists office, listening all about your cancer, with your husband next to you, is an odd place to be.  We both learned a lot.  I keep learning more and more about the same cancer that was in me.  It's like hearing the same news in a new light every time. 

Dr. Cody is my oncologist- I liked him a ton. Turns out we both lived In Ypsilanti, Michigan.  That immediately bonded us. It's pretty unique to find people in Cincinnati that lived in Ypsilanti, or that even know about Ypsi. So, I took that as my cosmic nod that I was with the right guy.

My cancer is/was Stage 1, grade 2.  Stage 1 because it broke out of the milk duct, and was less than 2cm (I was at 1.8cm).  He explained my cancer probably took 6 to 10 years to grow, and probably my infertility drugs had nothing to do with any of it.  I am considered triple positive breast cancer, and he sees this as a great thing.  The prognosis after this treatment is good.  Really good.  I could tell he felt the double MX was "overkill" in his opinion.  For me, with all the information I had, I still do not regret that decision.   

Back to chemo....

Did you know a chemo session takes like 4 to 5 hours?  The hell?! In 4 to 5 hours I could be in Knoxville, half way to our Sunny Beach (Isle of Palms, SC).  Frick. 5 hours?! Looks like I need to stock up on books and keep the iPad charged.  I cannot drive home after a session, and I have to go back the next day for another shot. 

Dr. C explained this is the stereotypical, icky chemo with all the super fun side effects.  I will have 6 sessions, 3 weeks apart.  It would be expected to feel like crap a couple days after a session.  They want me to start next week. First, I have to get that darn port in.

Like I mentioned, in conjunction with the chemo, I will also be receiving the Herceptin.  The Herceptin will continue for a full 12 months after my first session.  At least THAT does not have all the chemo side effects. 

So, I sit here with a fist full of prescriptions.  Anti-nausea, steroids, a cranial prosthesis.... fun stuff. Of course, I read the cranial prosthesis script and thought, I need a helmet? What is that for? Jeff kindly explained it was for a wig... OHHHHHH.

I'm healing well.  I did not tell many, but we had a minor scare last week with a doc thinking I had an infection.  Things went all worst case scenario, it was mentioned the implant would need to be removed.  For about 16 hours things were tense.... Luckily, it was determined that there was no infection and things were fine.  Crisis averted!!

All in all, I am hanging on there.  I have a TON of thank you notes to write.  I appreciate all the prayers, cards, flowers, and everything.  The amount of support for Jeff and I has been so overwhelming.  Looks like with 6 sessions coming up, I may have to start taking people up on rides and child care.  It's always hard for me to ask for help; Jeff and I tend to rely on each other.  But, I need to try to keep his world and the kids world as normal as possible.  So, if you have offered to help, I am going to have to woman up, and take you up on your offer. 

Thanks again for everything guys!!

A Recipe For Cancer- Today's Update

Well, well... Here we go...

I had an interesting appointment with my Cancer Assassin (surgical oncologist).  Here are some details regarding my pathology...

Stage 2 (not grade)
Estrogen positive
Progesterone positive
HER2 POSITIVE

It's that HER2, that decided to be positive that messed up this "cute little cancer."  But, being HER2 positive, there is a specific recipe that I will follow to ensure we kill any other mutated cells or cells THINKING about mutating due to HER2.  As Dr. Miller explained, if I go to 100 oncologists, all 100 will treat this the exact same way.  At least my cancer has a proven treatment plan, so that is good news.

I have not met with the oncologist (who will dictate the recipe to me) my Cancer Assassin told me to expect the following.

First up, I have to heal.  Healing is step 1.  Right now, things look okay, but suspicious, so I am back on antibiotics 4 times a day.  That is a lot of damn pills. 

Step 2- Kim gets a chest port.  Apparently, this is a same day surgery kind of thing.  I thought this was an in office procedure, but a special x-ray is needed to guide the catheter.  Of course it needs to be placed properly, otherwise it could lead to a collapsed lung.  To quote some internet Meme, "Ain't Nobody Got Time for That." 

The guesstimate time line for this is early November. 

The reason for the port is so the chemo can be placed in there instead of blowing my arm veins making me look like a junky.  How long will chemo be? Not sure, I should have that answer next week.  But, it sounds like I will have an injection every 3 weeks for a year of Herceptin.  That should be awesome. 

Here is a little link to HER2 positive cancer treatments:
http://www.healthline.com/health/breast-cancer/her2-treatment-options#1

Step 3- Chemo
Step 4- Whatever that shot is for a year

Right, so this cancer thing is going to drag on for a while.  I hope you are all ready for a long, long ride....

And it looks like this is TOTALLY going to blow my plans of doing the Flying Pig 3 Way this year.  That has me the most pissed.  I will wait to hear from the oncologist, but Cancer Assassin is concerned it could lead to issue with the port- since that will still be in.  Something about repetitive arm motions can cause a blood clot.  So, like swinging my arm for mile after mile for days on end is not a good idea.  Damn.

Cancer is a total buzz kill.

Days 7 to today!

I cannot lie.  The pathology report sent me for a little bit of a loop. More because of the fact this "little cancer" situation is dragging on longer than I had hoped.  But, I cannot really say that, I am assuming that.  Within the next 7 days, I have 3 doctor appointments, so by next week I should have a pretty good handle on what the next steps will be.  I am trying not to Dr. Google myself for chemo treatment options.  I see no use in that; it's definitely not going to help me playing more of the what if game. 

Right now the what if game has me thinking the following, what if chemo makes me sick? What if chemo makes me lose my hair?

You know, I was fine with cancer taking my boobs and giving me a new set of very swollen rocks on my chest.  I was cool with being "sick" but not looking sick or acting sick. I was cool with wading my way through this mess, but being able to keep it an arms distance from the kids. 

The word Chemo, makes it more real.  More a pain in my ass. Chemo means this isn't a cute "little cancer."  Chemo means I can't hide this from the kids as much as I want to.   Chemo means my cells were mutated in an evil, evil fashion.  Stupid cancer.

But, my story shows how tricky this stupid disease is.  Everyone seemed certain I would avoid chemo.  Apparently, my cancer fooled us all, including my Doctors.

Anyway.... Back to how recovery is going...

Friday (Day 7) was low key.  I had the appointment with my Plastic Surgeon.  They decided to remove 2 of my drains!  Talk about a weird feeling.  The drain is that flexible straw that is under my skin, right.  So, how do they take them out?  Cut the sutures and pull it out.  Yikes.  Thank goodness all my sensation is off.  It just felt weird.  Then he pulled off the steri-strips that were around my areolas.  Again, 0 sensation.  So, very weird. 

Day 8- Let's just go with Kim decided she was healed that day....

Day 9-  Kim's body reminded her she was NOT healed.  Day spent on couch watching football.

Day 10-  Lazy day.  I did go to the grocery store, with Mom and the kids.  The kids are adjusting to their new reality of needing to help and lift things for me.  I am BEYOND blessed they are willing to help me without question.  

On day 10, my sensation started really coming back.  Every nerve ending just was on hyper alert by the end of the day.  It all just felt weird.  As well as the one implant felt like it was rubbing on my sternum.  The sensitivity of  it all makes me a little nauseous.  If I do too much, I feel nauseous.  Apparently, my body has decided if it wants me to stop, let's make Kim nauseous.  It's a ball of fun.

Day 11- Much better.  However, I get to deal with the reality of paper work for short term disability stuff.  You would think asking folks to fill out and send back paper work would be easy? Nope.  So, that was fun stuff to deal with. 

Now, today, I have an appointment with my surgical oncologist.  So, I may have a little post to add later on today.

Post Surgery Days 2 through 6

*GRAPHIC PICTURES TO FOLLOW*

View from my surgical oncologist's office

In keeping with my quest to be honest, this post will contain some lovely pictures.  They are a bit graphic, but not obscene.  This is not porn, it's post mastectomy selfies. 

Day 2:

For half the day, I felt great.  I decided it was time to see what things looked like.  Here I am on the evening of Day 2.

Like the photoshop pasties I made?  OK, so you can see Jeff holding my waist. I was still a little off balance.  The top arrow is pointing to my drains I have 2 on each side.  Closer look (from day 4) is this:

 

Yes, they are annoying. Their job is to pull fluid away from the new Hooters. The fluid goes down the tube and collects in these goofy balls that look like plastic grenades.  I have to empty them twice a day, and chart the amounts.  At first, My arms could not reach to the other side well, so Jeff helped me a LOT.  But now, I can strip and empty my drains with no worries.

 

Also, you can see my incision on this second photo, it is healing nicely. To help with blood flow, I am on a nitroglycerin paste that I have to put over my stitches and nipples.  It seems like no big things, but each treatment leaves me with a massive headache. I will deal with this stupid headache, as long as my skin keeps the blood flowing! Nothing like looking at the skin around your breast hoping it is not dying.

 

The second arrow is pointing to the clear tubing that was coming from my pain ball.  I had a nerve block with leads in my back.  Jeff had to remove it (pull little straws from my back) on Day 3.  That pain block was very nice.

 

Third arrow is the apron my Mother in Law made for me.  It had pockets to hold all 4 drains, my pain ball and a cell phone.  That thing is coming in SO handy.  Thanks again, Jayne! 

 

You can also see swelling, a lot of swelling.



Soon after this pictures, all the good stuff wore off leaving me with my head in a bucket.  Definitely not pretty to vomit. 

Day 3 was a slice of hell. Nausea was the word of the day.  Jeff was my savior that day, calling each doctor to try and get me some relief.  By the end of the day, I was vomiting more, and decided to give up my pain pills. Those were causing more harm then good.

Day 4 was LOVELY!!! I was able to sit on the couch, and do some minimal things like, go through the mail!  I was living large! Oh and that stool softener kicked in.  Day 4 was definitely a turning point.

Day 5- Much better.  See photo....

 

These are my first selfies in a bathroom.  So excuse the back ground.

 

 

All in all recovery, has been OK.  Sleeping is a bit of a challenge, but getting better everyday.  I have stopped all meds except for the nipple cream and antibiotics, oh and the anti-nausea ear patch. I am still taking things slow and easy, and trying NOT to do things like clean, laundry, etc.  I am focusing on healing.

 

As many of you know, the pathology report was due this week.  The news is not that great, but not that bad.  Looks like I get to visit an oncologist, and do a round or so of Chemo.  So, this journey just got a little longer, while my hair might be getting a whole lot shorter...

 

PS- A shout out to ANYONE who ever made me do abs.  My core strength has totally saved me for getting out of bed, the couch, everything.  I can see if you have a weak core, this would be totally sucky.  Mad props to every coach I had that insisted we learn how to get up off the ground without using our hands/arms.  I am thankful for every forward roll to standing drill I have ever done.   I'm amazed that all these little gymnastics "things" have followed me way past my days at the chalk box.  These skills have made this recovery SO MUCH easier! 

 



 

Transitioning from Bad Boobies to Happy Hooters

The morning of surgery started with Jeff and I attending Mass for Calista.  She was receiving her Guardian Angel medal.  Connor received his last year, and I received mine a few years back when I was in first grade.  It was super sweet.  Then I took communion and thought I wrecked my fast before surgery. 

 

After Mass, Jeff and I made our way to the hospital.  Where I did my last handstand for awhile.

 

Then I scored a few selfies....

The man who loves me unconditionally

The sweet nurse, Natalee who answers all my annoying questions

Dr, Tiwari, the guy who fashioned my new hooters and suggested a duck face selfie

 

Dr. Miller, Cancer Assassin - aka Surgical Oncologist Specializing in breasts

 

Then, the anesthesia group came in and inserted a nerve block with a "pain ball."  That was some nice stuff.  This is were things get fuzzy.  This time I vaguely remember being wheeled back to the OR at 12:30pm.  Next thing I knew, it was 10pm and I finally woke up.  I think anesthesia did a great job of not having me wake up during surgery.  I heard people came and visited Jeff. I also found this on my Facebook feed:



 



 Apparently, someone enjoyed some beer and wings while I was sleeping.  Hmmm.....

 

When I woke up, it was not for long.  I had a lot more mobility in the arms than I anticipated. And I went back to sleep.  Until I was woken up by nurses every few hours.  Eventually, it was day break.

 

Jeff and I on Day 1 with my new Happy Hooters.

 

While I was getting checked out and discharged, Connor and CC were at football and cheer.  The game was a special one where the school was raising money to "Crush Cancer."  A fellow Mom had stickers made up for the boys helmets.  Here is Connor's:

 

Then the boys sent me this message...

 







 





Eventually, I came home.  Things were much better than I expected. Little did I know that Day 1 and 2 would be pretty great, from the residual medicine in my system, as well as the nerve block was still in.  Here is Day 1 picture from Home:

See that girl there? She has in 4 drains, she is holding her black pain ball bag, and has a lot of swelling going on. Soon, she will find out that narcotics for pain make her sick, and eating becomes a dream.

 

The first night at home, again a blur, the good meds were good.  Jeff took great care of me, well, I think he did.  I received a lovely care package from my college roommates who absolutely spoiled me!

 

But, I thank EVERYONE for all the prayers, good thoughts and everything!!!

 

OK, I will try to update more on Day 2, Hellish day 3, and catch up to current time.