Well, that was a friggin mess. Chemo is a big, giant pain in my ass. I am 1/3 of the way through, only 4 more left. Before 2016, I will have 4 rounds done. So, yes, that means I will have two rounds in December. I'm betting I will not be on Santa's good list. But, if he has a crabby from chemo list, I'll be at the top.
The day of chemo, I decided it would be all cool and Rocky like if I went on a 4 mile run. A great F-U to cancer and chemo, I'm going to run 4 miles. Miles 1 and 2, were fast, I felt great. I felt "normal." Around mile 3 I knew I had a problem, and I was still about a mile from home. By 3.3 miles, I had a massive problem, and I was NOT near home. My body was trying to betray me and my stool softeners decided it was a great time to start working. The mind- body connection, the brain versus anal sphincter connection---- it's bad. Things did not end well. I did not finish my 4 miles, and there is nothing like having internal dialog debating if anyone will see if you poop in the woods.
Needless to say, I did make it to chemo (with clean pants- thanks). Nothing exciting about chemo. I sat in a chair while poison went in my body. My fellow survivor, Heather, came to visit me. The infusion center is a weird place. Nurses try to be very light hearted and liven up the place a bit. But, it is a sad place. You can try to pump in as much joy and fun as you want, but it still feels sterile and kind of depressing. Chairs line the walls, filled with people hooked up to infusion pumps. Some have visitors that sit and read or talk. All of us are just waiting to hear the beeping sound of the bag being empty to signal the nurse to hook up the next bag of poison. I just want it to be over, so I can then worry about when will the fog hit me. How will the next few days feel, etc. By the end of the evening, I crashed.
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| Me sporting my plastic wrap over my EMLA cream to numb my port. |
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| Chemo #2 |
Day 1 post chemo seemed ok, then I received my booster shot. That shot ended up being one of my biggest pain in the bones ever. A side effect of the booster is bone pain, because it's job is to stimulate white blood cell growth. How does it do it, via the bone marrow! Welcome to science!! Boy, did I have bone pain. It woke me up from a dead sleep. I now have a new appreciation for what our children feel with growing pains. The doctors suggested Tylenol for the pain. They might as well have suggested a nice glass of water. Thanks.
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| My cranium |
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| My sweet Grad School Roomie, Jen, sent me some new lipsticks. As Connor says this is how people will know I am a girl. |
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| CC and I in our matching skull caps (thanks Jess) |
The weekend was weird Day 2 and 3, I felt oddly good. Really good. We took the kids to the Festival of Lights, and enjoyed an evening out. It was nice to be out in the fresh air.
Then came day 4. Day 4 is just evil. I did not want to do anything, my bones ached, my head was heavy, and I just felt off kilter. The kids did not have school and thank God they were fine with playing electronics and watching TV. Jeff had to come pick me up for a fun visit to see Dr. Chin and check on the Foobs. The Foobs are doing great, and I have a follow-up in 6 weeks. Oh, and yes, I got yelled at for doing too much.
Day 5. On day 5, a friend took the kids out (thanks Connie) for a few hours. I was able to go grocery shopping and nap. I must have looked how I felt at the grocery store. I could feel people giving me the "oh that lady looks sick" look. Well, breast cancer people even need a Thanksgiving turkey!! My mother confirmed it when I went to visit her, she took one look at me and exclaimed, "You look awful." Only my Mom can get away with that.
Day 6. I was brave. Calista talked me into wearing a wig. So, I did. We went to lunch with family, and I swear I felt like that wig was moving all over my head. It felt so odd, and hot. Wigs are HOT and not really comfortable. I can see I will wear one when Calista asks me, but it really felt self-conscience in it. After lunch, I decided to hit up Starbucks and the grocery (because I forgot things the day before). I was brave because I did each of those trips without a wig or a hat. Me and my pretty bald head did it. I don't know if people stared or even if they cared. I did not care, my head was hot. When I got back in my car, I was proud of me. I did not really give it a second thought, until I was ordering my drink, and realized I was bald. I just continued on like any other day.
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| Anita the wig and I (named after my Great Aunt Nita) |
Day 7 was Thanksgiving. Simply put, I did too much and was up too late.
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| Took Jeff on a 2 mile run. I felt good, but, probably was not my best idea.... |
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| Sporting our Thanksgiving hats |
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| All Smiles |
So, that explains....
Day 8, blood work check! Well, my white blood cells were good, but I felt like crap. The nurses decided I needed fluids, so, 1 and a 1/2 bags of fluid and 2 hours later, I felt a bit better.
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| Fluid fun! |
We rounded out the weekend with several family celebrations for Christmas which were a bunch of fun. But, since I feel like a decrepit 120 year old, I was EXHAUSTED. I am still exhausted. But, I can't sleep. Food sounds bad, because chemo mouth is back. I am tired and whiney. And I start back to work this week.
What I have really realized is, each round it going to get harder and harder. Which I knew, but like anything, unless you live through it, you really don't know. I hate that round 3 is right before Christmas, and that round 4 is right before the New Year. And here I am complaining about it all. Woe, is Kim. However, I should thank my lucky stars. I met a sweet lady who has chemo every 21 days, and goes in the hospital for hers. She is hooked up for 96 hours of continuous chemo. She explained she goes in on Monday then leaved around Friday at 5:00pm. Wow. That is NUTS. So, my little 6 hours every 21 days, is cake. I am just not used to being so tired, so forgetful, and so not myself. The forgetful, "chemo brain" is scary. Chemo brain is like taking a glimpse into dementia. I forget things, cannot come up with words or finish thoughts, it terrifies me. I know what I am trying to say, but the words and thoughts are just lost in my brain. I hear this side effect is typically reversible, but that it gets worse before better.
Basically, today is 13 days post chemo, and I finally feel pretty normal. This took 3 days longer than my first round. Let's hope the next round is better.
On the work front, I am beginning back at work. HR has my leave so messed up, it's imperative I get back to work. I have 3 weeks and 2 days left of FMLA. I plan to try intermittent leave, when I get back. This will allow me to take off chemo days and bad days, and work the rest. Hopefully this will work. But, I fear HR will mess this up again. I would kind of like to receive a paycheck at some point before Christmas. I pretty well prepared for everything, except the issues with my leave. That is as big a pain in my ass as chemo! The game plan is to use intermittent leave and see how far that goes. Once that time is exhausted, my options are use vacation time or go on continuous short term disability. I figure I will cross that bridge if it comes to that.
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