It's a weird feeling to have Up time and Down time. Where I thought I was doing MUCH better last week, I totally jumped the gun. I must admit, things were still very foggy, my memory was slow to recall, food was still weird, I was EXHAUSTED and a hint crabby. I really thought that how I felt Tuesday was my new normal. Luckily, I was so very wrong....
Wednesday, things seemed ever better. I was still fighting some mouth issues, this Chemo mouth things is the worst. How to describe my experience, know when you burn the tip of your tongue and it feels raw for about a day, my tongue has felt raw for 2 weeks. I have a feeling this may be one of the things that follows me. My mouth, as a whole, just felt weird, almost like how it feels with a sore throat. That is the best way I can describe it. It felt red (it was) and I had a small blister in it. It just hurt. The Oncologist's paper work suggested a rinse of baking soda and salt. So, in my best nod to Pinterest, I mixed up a big batch in a Mason jar and have it by my sink. And yes, this concoction tastes as lovely as it sounds (ick). But, it does work, my mouth started feeling better after a couple days.
Since I did continue my diary of how I was feeling, I can tell you this. My entry on November 7th was, I FEEL NORMAL!!!! Therefore it took a good 9 days post chemo to get back to my "baseline." I felt it imperative to take full advantage of my good days.
I was strong enough to do a Yoga class. I still skipped downward dogs and planks. I lie I tried 1 downdog (after this Friday, I am released to do them), and I did a plank, which was fine, BUT I cannot lower to my stomach yet. Still too much for my new foobs/ pecs. Here is my thought process on yoga. Many women post double mastectomy need physical therapy to regain their full range of motion. For me, yoga IS my physical therapy. The range of motion exercises, the whole body, mind, spirit practice is exactly what my body needs. I will 100% say, I was able to increase some range of motion, as well as I felt I was able break up stiffness around my implants. Oddly enough, I felt like they loosened up to seem a lot more normal. Also, I could feel sensations more. I figured the increased blood flow due to activity has to be good to facilitate the healing of the nerves and other vasculature. Laymans terms, my Foobs felt more like Boobs - finally. Yoga must be continued.
On Sunday, we spent the WHOLE DAY OUT as a family. We did the Zoo, the Aquarium, and Gameworks. It was a long day, but it was much needed for the kids. I have REALLY focused on spending quality time with them. Calista seems to be doing better, as does Connor. I am trying so hard to keep their world normal, but it is impossible. I found a children's book that deals with the topic of a Mom going through Chemo and Cancer. The title is Nowhere Hair by Sue Glader. I would like to say I read it to the kids without crying, but I did tear up. I just hate that it is affecting the kids and Jeff. But, really Calista is the one that is having the hardest time. It breaks my heart.
Now feeling normal, I'm spending my good days cleaning, cooking, preparing for next week when I have chemo and the bottom falls out again. I have been researching and learned the cocktail I am on most assuredly will make my hair begin to fall out 2 to 4 weeks after my first dose. Today, is exactly 2 weeks. I just ran my fingers through my hair and 4 strands came out. I am sitting here pondering... Was it time for these hairs to fall out? Just because? Or are my follicles beginning to give up? You know for the next two weeks, every hair I see I am going to wonder if this is when it all goes. Honestly, I'm ready for it to go. I am trying to embrace short hair, but-- it's not me. As much as I want to keep hair, I'd rather start wearing quirky hats. Except my head is the size of a pea. (Aside: I have long realized the proportions of my head to body ratio are all wrong). I should probably take the time to pick out a real wig and use my cranial prosthesis prescription. That may be my job today, call insurance see what is covered, then find a wig place. Blah.
Today, I will also face the hell that is our short term disability HR people. The capacity of people to be so inept in their job is staggering. I learned, yesterday, the folks have had the WRONG phone and fax number for my doctor handling my case. So, all this paper work they are sending-- where is exactly is it going? All the calls they have made-- who the hell have they been calling. All along, this mistake has been there. It's been a real pain in my ass. My physicians have now been faxing me the info, right after sending it to my disability group. For some reason I receive the faxes, but the HR department must have a black hole where all the faxes about me reside. Let's just say today I should be receiving a call from a supervisor.
I did learn I have two options-- well three.
1. Return to work and use vacation for any off days.
2. Try something called Intermittent Leave. This will allow me to work on good days (with full pay), then take off the bad days (disability pay). I spoke with the Medical Records lady at the oncologists office and she stated they could write it up so EVERY DAY would be eligible to be a leave day until the last chemo.
3. Remain on leave through chemo
As my astute Uncle put it, my work ethic is what keeps me from embracing option 3. I already feel like a giant slackass missing all this work. My poor co-workers... You have to remember there are 3 people in the USA that do my job. 3. They have been picking up my slack and encouraging me to just heal and relax.
I fear with option 2, my lovely HR folks will end up messing up my pay. I have no faith that they would be able to do this properly. But, I may try it. I have until December 2nd. That much time will allow me to see how I respond and recover from chemo #2.
Well, to leave you with a classic Kim funny....Standing outside, without a coat, it was a little chilly. Know how the wind blows and you shiver... My body shivered, then my foob shivered and scared the heck out of me.... New party trick, shivering foobs. I am totally going to figure out how to animate these happy hooters....
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