Head Dump

Unloading my head....

1. Surgery is changed!!! No Saran Wrap needed now!  I will be reporting around 11:30, and the dissection of Kim's Sentinel Nodes will begin around 1:30.  Apparently God knew I'd be a major bear by 3:40pm!

2. Where is God?
God never left; been here the whole time.  I do not hold God or anyone responsible for what has happened to me.  I am a strong believer in sometimes cells do funky ass things.  I honestly think it is in the genetic code- although that would blame this all on BRAC1 or 2.  This has not been proved.  But, like our blighted ovum, things happen due to cells not reading the proper code. The blighted ovum, just happens in some pregnancies, and I think, sometimes cancer just happens.  My cells did not know they were being stupid, someone got lazy and replicated poorly.  Like the time I got lazy and sent a major professional email with the greeting, "Hell All," instead of Hello All.  Good times.  But as for God, he's still there.  He never left. As for cells, well we all make mistakes, and my cells made a really stupid one.  I don't feel I ate wrong, or had too many beers or did anything to exacerbate this, things happen. My cells simply got dumb and lazy (slack ass cells).

3. What did you do when you found out?
You know I found out at Target and had a moment. I can't lie, I did.  But, then I became rebellious.  You know the best way to rebel on your body? Eat bacon, and cake, drink martini's and eat oreoes - cookies and cream stuffed oreoes to be exact.  Since my body failed to not get cancer, I punished it eating a lot of "no-no" foods, and drinking vodka.  Did I go crazy? No. Did I eat bacon on a stick, and eat a ton of cake.  YES, I DID!!!  And I also ran to attempt to offset my rebellion. I figured it cancer is going to try evict my boob, I am going to add more bacon to my diet.  Unfortunately, this could lead to some artery issues, so, this rebellion will be short lived and done in moderation.  Cuz we know all rebels are moderates at heart.

To continue to rebellion, I want more tattoos.  Not just nipple ones either. With cancer being so unexpected, I feel like I need to do something unexpected, but by my choice!!!

4. Do the kids know?
Yes, and I even showed them how surgery today will go.  Inject a little blue dye, make the incision, pop out a few nodes, and close up.  I also used the word Cancer with them.  I know they don't "get it" or have a frame of reference on what cancer is, but I felt they needed to hear the word.  They got to hear it from me.

That is todays head dump.  Please keep sending those prayers - 1:30 is GO TIME for the nodes!