---- Kim steps up to soapbox ----
AGAIN adoption and the misinterpretation of adoption has me livid.
Earlier this fine fall television season, a new ABC delight called "Once Upon a Time" aired. A super interesting story that interweaves all the fairy tales you grew up with a recent day storyline. There is Cinderella, Hansel and Gretal, Red Riding hood, Rumpelstiltskin and Snow White, to name a few. The show is very creative, and I like it.
HOWEVER, part of the present day story line revolves around a Birth Mother, an Adoptive Mother and a child. Lots of the adoption story line fictional fabrication, I can accept. Writing fiction, I understand, but their misinterpretation of adoption, more specifically plotting Adoptive Parent against Birth Parent is really annoying. I know it's fiction, but this show is not helping how society perceives adoptive parent versus birth parent relationships. Or, as I hear it in the grocery store, "What's he think about his REAL (birth) mother?" Again, adding fuel to the raging misconception of BIRTH = REAL Parent, and Adoptive Parent = Fake Parent??? I'm never sure what I am if Connor's birth mother is his "real" mother; I must be simply a stand in to get him to 18 so he and his "real" mother can re-unite in some fantasy world????
The problem with this ABC show is, the Evil Witch is the ADOPTIVE MOM. I thought I was being sensitive, until another adoptive Mom spoke to me about how much she liked the show, but the EVIL adoptive Mom thing is just too much to overlook. I feel this way, yet I still tune in. I keep trying to see her as the Evil Queen, and not the Evil Adoptive Mom. I should just tune out, but I like the concept of the show.
On this show, the child seems to see his Birth Mother, as his savior. The child is plotting with the Birth Mother to save him from his evil ADOPTIVE mother. Yeah, the underlying tone of ADOPTIVE MOM = EVIL, and Birth Mom or (my favorite) "REAL MOM" will save the day, has my hackles all raised. After a few episodes, I let ABC know my thoughts by sending them a well drafted letter of "Why are adoptive Mom's and adopted kids typically perceived in a negative light?"
I never heard back, and did not expect to. I know it's fiction, that is fine, but it could have been written differently. I did forgive them, and I do still watch the show, it's been an interesting watch. And, the Mom is pretty damn evil.
Then came Desperate Housewives. Another ABC show, and show I have watched since episode number one. I've enjoyed the craziness on Wisteria Lane. Until now. There is currently a story line where, a character, Susan, learned her daughter, Julie, is 6 months pregnant. Julie, the daughter, is planning on, "Giving the baby up for adoption." Of course, I heard that line and did a mental head slap, stupid ABC strikes again- I am sure more birth mothers hear the words, "Birth Plan" and "Placed for adoption" more than prospective adoptive parents. Since this characters has already been in touch with an agency, she would have received some cousiling, and such. "We" adoptive people do not really care to use the word "gave up" anymore. Yes, sure when times were different, some women were forced to "give up" their child. Now a day, the adoptive community has worked to use more positive words of "placed" for adoption and "birth plan." Seriously, if you were a 5 year old child, do you want to hear, "Oh, your REAL MOM, GAVE YOU UP." or "Your birth mother, made an adoption plan for you and we were blessed you were PLACED with us via the miracle of adoption." Gave up, doesn't leave a warm fuzzy feeling with anyone involved in adoption.
Back to my soapbox, the Desperate Housewife storyline has gotten a WHOLE LOT WORSE. Instead of being a supportive Mother, Susan tells Julie how much she will miss by "giving away my grand baby." There is scene after scene of the Susan pressuring her daughter to parent, and scene after scene of the daughter saying this is her decision to "give up" the baby. Scenes of saying how this will be the biggest mistake of her life to give up her baby to let strangers raise the child. It is a nightmare to watch. Last episode, the birth father came into the picture. Now, he wants to parent. As an adoptive mother, I am ready to tune out and just pretend the show has already ended. I am so disgusted.
Honestly, it is so upsettings that each series, shows adoption in such a negative light. I am just so disappointed. Even though it's fiction, it is simply reinforcing these perceived stereotypes of adoption. The irony that these are two ABC shows and back to back on my TV schedule has not escaped me. ABC needs to change their slogan for Sundays to be "we hate adoptive parent Sunday."
Something ABC does have correct is, some Birth parents will get that negative pressure to parent from their parents or other people. I know Connor's birth mom got an earful from a lady on how she "Can't give that baby away to those strangers. Your his Momma, be his Momma. I kept my baby I had at 16, you are 19 your should do this." Every fear I had of her waiting to parent disappeared when she said, that she could parent, but she wanted something better for her son. Not a life of struggling to get by, but a life with a loving couple who was ready to be parents. Connor's birth mother is a strong lady who did what any mother would do, she made a tough decision, placing her child's needs before anyone . She is a very brave lady.
BUT, back to television....................
On a positive note, NBC has a new show called Smash. On the first episode, they introduced a minor storyline of adoption. This adoption storyline is an international one, China in fact. I have been following this show and the adoption story line for two episodes; I have been pleasantly surprised.
During the show, a social worker came for a home study, the couple heard about the 2 year wait for their child, they were asked to write a letter to a birth mother, attend a support group, etc. So far, NBC has not only done their homework on adoption and proper adoption verbiage -- they are doing it right so far. Unless they totally screw it all up, they might just have it right.
Still after all these years. Trying to get television to "do" adoption right is hard. I do not understand why they will get "real doctors" for hospital dramas to get stories right, but they can't find one person in their arsenal of people to get adoption right? I think television sees adoption as a great fictitious story line. It would just be nice to see them get it right, and show what a beautiful thing adoption and birth parent relationships can be.
----Kim now steps off soapbox ----
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