July...



Fourth of July 2008

There are many emotions I feel right at this moment.  On a nice quiet Friday night. For so many years, the Fourth of July meant many things to me...family, fireworks, grills outs, swimming, diving, learning to drive a stick shift (ASIDE--- while learning to drive a stick, I suggest your "teacher" not be slightly inebriated during your lesson at 10pm on the Fourth of July, but he did not freak as I stalled a boat load of times on a hill on a major road...ah, good times...).

Fourth of July 2008 - See above rainy picture. 
My Mom suckered us into participating in our local VFW post 4th of July parade.  Jeff, Magnum, Higgins, my Uncle, Aunt, Cousin, her boyfriend, their 2 dogs, and I marched.  2008 was one year after our successful IVF went bad.  Our life, was immensely different. The air was different that year.  That year, we had been told we would be parents. Three hours after this picture, we were able to announce to our family that we were in fact going to be parents. Fourteen days later, we became parents. Those 14 days were a blur of purchasing baby items, but unpacking NOTHING.  Family members purchasing us baby clothing and baby items, but none were allowed to bring it over.  Fourteen days of hope, prayer, more prayer, patience, brief communications with Connor's Birth Mom, doubt, fear.... The fear that she could parent and the floor would drop out from under us again.  Fear that she may decide to parent.  We were full of blinding fear and hope.  Two totally counter-intuitive emotions, but unless you've been a prospective adoptive parent -- you may never have those two emotions together.

Looking at the new July banner, you can see the first time I held Connor. Excited, over-joyed, terrified -- I look like the perfect new Mom.  Look at Jeff, in his first picture with Connor. Connor looking up at him, Jeff looking down at our perfect son. From moment number one, those two had that father-son connection. Then, we have the picture of newborn Connor. That picture was taken when he was 1 day old...24 hours down, only 48 hours to go.  In our state, birth parents could not sign away parental rights until AFTER 72 hours.  Three days. After I took that picture, I remember coming home and down loading it, then emailing it to all the people praying for us.  I know some of them forwarded it to more people to pray for us, and to pray for Connor's birth mother.  A prayer that she had the courage and wisdom to do what was best for her and her son.  Yes, he is her son too.  I don't want to share him, but honestly, she was the one who kept him safe for 9 months, and decided to make a plan for him. I can't take that away from her, she gave him life, she carried him, gave birth to him, and then gave me a FAMILY.  She is a strong and amazing person.

But, 48 hours left....We prayed, we asked for prayers, and I created a birth announcement.  I was thinking positive. Plus, I had a car seat and she didn't.  That was my son...I just had to share him his first 3 days of life. While she was mothering Connor, I found a poem online. I doctored it up a little, then placed it in his birth announcement.

Today we kissed an Angel
We knew right from the start
The first time our Angel smiled at us
We gave away our hearts


Today we kissed an Angel
This angel child of mine
Though not of our creation
Our Child by God's design


Today we kissed an Angel
Our hearts are dancing wild
A family by a miracle
Blessed by this Angel child

Every Fourth of July, I begin reflecting on our journey to parenthood.  Fourth of July 2007, we were recovering from a horrible loss.  Fourth of July 2008, we were on cloud 9, days away from our wish coming true.  Our wish to become parents....our wish to become a family.

Little did I know by Fourth of July 2009, I'd have another surprise.  My little surprise pregnancy...