Blogger and I have been fighting. Apparently I cannot think of anything to blog about and blogger hasn't been in the mood to "listen" to my static. My head has so much swimming around in it; little thoughts, big thoughts, concerns, and fear all cycling around like a little thought tornado. So, like many tornados, I'm not sure where this one will go...
My Dad is sick. It happens. Adult crap like this blows. I'd prefer he simply get better and we all move forward. Yet, we are stalemated, stagnant, holding, waiting, still waiting. Answers are slow to come, the Doctors seem to have no urgency. Why would they, it's not their loved one sitting in a bed just wondering, waiting, hoping and praying. Praying this is fixable, praying this is simply a giant eye opening wake up call. So, we continue to be patient and simply wait... Patience and waiting is hard.
Then we have an upcoming trip. Will we survive 11 hours in a car with the 4 of us? Will the kids sleep? Will they bounce around like little energy balls? How many times will Connor say "BIG GIANT TRUCK, Blue truck, red truck, BIG GIANT WHITE TRUCK, BLUE TRUCK." Or "Oh, oh yeah those MOUNTAINS." Or "Con-r has a pee." It should be interesting, yet again, that unknown of how will it all go is weighing on my brain.
Sweet little CC decided to up her diaper size. As I added the next up size to her diaper bin, it hit me. She's not so little. She's growing up, she points to my eye and says "EAR!" She pokes my ear and says "EYE!" I'm not sure she'll be the next doctor in the family, but she's talking. Lots of "NO, THAT'S MINE!!!!!" and "Oh, Peng-Peng!" She's beginning to play the apps on the I-touch Connor played. She's eating with a fork, she climbs stairs. She's...well...she's not a little baby anymore. She's a very busy toddler. I love the toddler phase. In fact, I love it more than the baby phase (and I get more sleep). But, I sorta miss that little cuddling sleeping peaceful baby watching NCIS with me. The phrase "the days are long, but the years are short" makes more sense everyday. By the end of August, I will have a 3 year old and 2 year old both preparing for pre-school.
Connor Josef, well, we are at the end of the terrible twos and at the cusp of the terrible threes. He's getting too big, to smart and way too athletic. He has an awesome overhand throw, a decent level swing, and natural talent for all sports. And he likes to watch them. He will sit with Jeff and watch baseball, or hang with me to watch my Vroom-Vroom NASCAR. He's amazing. Connor is a little boy, getting tall and lean, out growing all his toddler and babyish looks. He's handsome, smart and has blessed me in so many ways. We have been talking about visiting the sunny beach. We discuss it each morning, Connor is pumped to see the sunny beach. I cannot wait to see him see his first sunny beach.
Finally, I watched a 20/20 episode about a Mom blogger. Young Mom of 4 that was in a horrible plane crash with her husband and a friend. The friend did not make it; her and her husband survived but were burned. Her worse than him; 80% of her body, and badly burned her face. So much, she looks nothing like her "before" pictures - except her kind eyes are exactly the same. Her story is hers to tell - you can check out her blog at Nie Nie Dialogues. What has me up is a few statements she made. Everyone states beauty is skin deep. But, what if in one blink of an eye- your beauty, your face your sense of what you look like is simply GONE. Yes, I am a beautiful person inside, but, could I let that shine if my outward look of Kim, my whole sense of me was gone? I am not sure I would have the strenght to still be me if I no longer looked like me. Would my children still recognize the inner me? Would they shun me and be scared? Would my husband and family still love me? Could I deal with others whispering about me whiel in public, could I deal with being the butt of strangers jokes or improper comments? The author is such an inspiration and her blog is very well written. Beauty is only skin deep, but if your skin and beauty were gone, would you be strong enough to allow your inner beauty to shine through? Would you be strong enough to share the beauty openly with the world? It's an amazing and inspiring story.
Now, that I have emptied my head, I hear that nice woosh of space. A nice echo, of a little girl babbling "mine" and a little boy waking up from nap singing "Bitsy spider, up water spout. A,B,C, 14, 15, 16, 20!"
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