Some Days, I want to be The Dad...

First I need to preface this.  I love my husband, he really is a wonderful guy.  He's the perfect partner for me, he can deal with my good and bad days.  He is a wonderful provider and an exceptional father.  He does put family first.  He does rock!

However.....

My friend Amy once commented that she wished she could be the Dad.  At the time, I did not get it.  I get it now.  The Mom enables the Dad to "get away with things."  The Mom does things the Dad did not even know were done, or ever needed to be done.  This occurs due to the Mother's type A, organized personality.  Let's do a mini-case study....

Last week I posted about my typical morning. One thing it does not include is SITTING DOWN.  However, when you are the Dad, your wife might find you at 9am (cuz you don't hear the kids awake at 7am) cuddling on the couch with one child, while the other child is "somewhere."

Case Study
I woke up at 7am with the kids, I was sweet and decided to allow my husband to sleep in a little (see I am a gem when I want to be).  I had lunch plans, but did not need to start getting ready until 9am.  So, I got the kids up, and going and fed and played.  About 8:50am, husband awoke and came downstairs.  Due to kids, being kids, I ended up upstairs at 9:17am to get ready.  I know because I checked my watch to gauge how late I was going to be.  I showered, and began to get ready.... By 9:36am, I heard the pitter patter of little feet coming upstairs to run a muck.  I had to be out of the house by 9:45am so I had 9 minutes to finish.

Now, EVERY morning/day, I have a child/dog/cat follow me.  To the kitchen, to the bathroom, to the laundry room - I feel like a mother duckling.  EVERYDAY I am with these beautiful great kids.  But, everyone needs a break.  Apparently my break gets to be 19 minutes long.  I had all of 19 minutes alone. 

I finish getting dressed all while Connor acted like a 2 year old, placing his finger nails in the eye shadow to smash it, messing with the cat food/water, getting in my lotion, hairspray, toothpaste, getting in and out of the bathroom- OH and now we need to go potty-, etc... All I wanted was a little peace to get dressed. ALONE. (for once this week).  Obviously annoyed, I go downstairs to find..........

DH* on the couch with CC, watching SpongeBob, all snuggled in a blanket.

*DH = Darling/Dear Husband in internet short hand.

I'm not sure why this infuriated me so, but it did.  All I wanted was to get ready to leave...minus my helper.  Grrr... I had a nerve to be all short and pissy with him, asking why Connor had to go upstairs?!  I know, it's really fun to be able to snuggle with a little one.  All Connor wanted to do was play to have someones attention, Jeff was with CC, so obviously Connor went to find me.  I figured I let Jeff sleep in, he could have let me get dressed in peace.  I doubt that even entered his mind (grr...boys).  He knew Connor wanted me, so he let Connor come see me.  Jeff had good intentions, but he did not know my quest for alone time. However, since he is a great guy, he did send me an apology and said he still loved me even though I can be a crab (The crab part was not in the actual apology- but I think it was implied)


As a Mom, I am constantly thinking/planning/acting.  How can we save money, how can we be more efficient, what the heck is going to be for dinner this week, why do I keep buying more damn pasta every time I go to the store, are we out of laundry detergent?  Is CC being crabby because of her MMR injection?  Oh crap, did I give the dog his medicine, damn I forgot to give the cat his "don't pee on the floor" medicine.  Is that still laundry in the washer? overnight?! SHIT.

My head NEVER, EVER Stops.  It's my own fault. I'm too driven to do it all, and do it all now.  I think of it and BAM gets it done. Then I get angry I'm doing "everything."  In a sense, I am. Partly, it's more my fault, I don't even let Jeff have a moment to do it.  My timeline is King.  Period.  Unfortunately, Jeff is not a mind reader and doesn't know my timeline. This is the problem.  My husband is not a mind reader- if he was- 99% of all our "tiffs" would be avoided. 

His priority after getting home from work is family time.  He figures once the kids are in bed, the dishes can get done, laundry can get started; he has not seen them all day. NOPE NOT CONTROL FREAK KIM.  In my mind, I think, "While Jeff is giving the kids a bath, I can get the dishwasher loaded and run, wipe off the table, counter and stove, start laundry, get the kids milk ready, feed the dogs, let them out, ensure the kids diapers/pullups are stocked in their room, put this laundry back....." Ect, etc... You can see my head DOES NOT STOP. This is why Jeff has given up tell me to sit down and relax.  I can't. It's easier for me to do things while the kids are occupied/alseep, than to relax and let it go.  I am one of those people that need everything, done, THEN I can relax.

So, yeah, I want to be the Dad.  I want a wife that will have a head that never shuts off, so mine can. A wife that has a diaper bag ready to go, that can get ready in 10minutes for a spur of the moment zoo trip, that anticipates the needs of my kids and me.  All I have to do is take out the trash, shovel the driveway, mow the lawn, kill scary bugs, and do whatever my darling wife asks of me.  But, she never asks, she just does. 

Now, this is NOT to imply Jeff does not do things or anticipate things for us.  Because that is wrong and not fair.  We always have agreed we both do "stuff" even if we have no idea what stuff was done (i.e  He removed dead mouse from mousetrap that I did not even know caught a mouse- or that there was even a trap there?!).   

My impression is, being a Dad seems easier.  I'm just not sure it is, but you know, the grass is always greener.  Sometimes I want to leave the house for work, and Jeff wants to work from home.  That damn grass, it's just green- not really greener- it's tricky grass.

Maybe I really don't want to be the Dad; I just want a wife.