Out of the Darkness, We have Seen a Great Light!

I had no idea my story would yield such a response! Thanks for all the love and support you readers have sent me!! You all rock! If you know anyone who would gain strength or hope or anything from my story to parenthood, please share it and pass along.

Also, last week in the news, was the sad story of the Rutgers Freshman who took his own life. Suicide education is something that is needed. When people on the edge of the world need help, I hope they know they have friends and family who love them and support them who are willing to give them what they need, day or night, 24/7.

Few of you know a dear friend, Steve, took his life about 16 months ago. As a friend, it was beyond difficult to get past MY anger with his choice. So angry he could not ask for help, or to realize that we were ALL willing to help in anyway we could. So angry he could leave his wife and his children. He will never see how awesome his son is doing in college, he will never see his little girl graduate or walk her down the aisle, and he will never see the joy in his wife’s eyes when she saw him pitch that winning pitch. Those lives and all of his friends have been affected. We all have a hole in our heart that can never ever be filled. We will always have questions that will never be answered. We can only speculate. But, we will never ever know.

I have never openly discussed my feelings on this, and it might not be appropriate. But, nothing has ever mad me as angry and deeply hurt as when Steve choose to leave us. I do feel at that last moment, he had an “oh shit” moment of never being able to take that decision back. Or apologize for the hurt, loss, anger that his choice, made us all feel. It was all so sudden, just like a candle was blown out, we were all in complete darkness.

Now, good things can come out of bad/horrible situations. Enough time has passed that we can now openly remember him and the man he was. We all focus on the good, the silly, and his quirks with dog hair that made us laugh. Sharing memories, talking and laughing have helped us heal. But, the loss is still there, and like anyone you loose, that feeling of loss socks you in the gut when you least expect it. When you think, Wow, I wish Steve would make his guac dip again, or I could complain to him how I hate fall softball- it will never come to pass. All I can say is we miss you, the hole you left in our hearts will never be filled, but our love for you will never wane.

This weekend, the kids, Jeff and I and other family members and friends of Steve are walking to raise awareness for suicide/suicide prevention. Here’s the website Steve’s daughter created for team Believe in Steve. She is doing a senior project on suicide prevention, education and awareness. Out of this dark time, she is doing her best to help others. She is a better woman than I, because I am not sure I would have had the strength to participate, if she did not arrange it all. Rock on Miss C, you are a hero to me. Don’t feel as if you need to donate, but pray – please pray for those fighting to escape from such a dark place and all family affected.

http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&eventID=1106&teamID=16848

So, if you or your anyone you know is on the verge, feeling like there is no way out, PLEASE help them get help. The hole you create in your loved ones can never be healed. You will always be missed. Please get help, and let others help you. I beg you, PLEASE.