Dear Cats- I think I hate you....

Curse my mother for teaching my responsibility. Ok, really I don't. However, if I had the black heart in real life, like the one that I use at work, those cats would be HISTORY. Gone, Kaput, Adios gatos. Stupid cats. I don't know what happened, but they are the biggest turd cats EVER.

September 2007 - Jeff and Kim move. Apparently this is part of the cat-alysts (get it?) that begins operation "Let's tick off the humans." Also known as operation, "Act like we are allergic to liter boxes." See where this is going?

The purrrrrr-petrators:
Sebastian, aka - Sebbie, aka at 6am - I hate you black cat
age: 13
He's the ring leader of this operation

Rudey, aka- Ru, aka- Smoochey, aka- Poops like a trucker who just ate hormel chili from a can
age: 6
I think he's "The pooper"

It began innocently enough, a few turds outside the liter box. Us humans blamed it on our inability to keep the box clean enough. Hence the need for liter box #2. Liter box #2 goes in laundry room. Cats decide laundry room is a fun place. Cats decide to pee on laundry. Also around this time, Connor becomes mobile. Box is moved to basement. And, humans are disgusted cats pee on laundry (Jeff's not mine-PHEW).

Start smelling pee in various rooms. Humans now have child #2 - humans again think they are inept with cleaning of box- hence box #3. Box in humans master bed room, in basement and in office (since human sees black cat enter office and proceed to pee on baseboards and curtains).

So, yeah, I am battling these damn cats. We have 3 boxes on 2 floors of the house now that are cat friendly. The basement is off limits since they started peeing IN the kids ball pit. I always feared other kids pee in a community ball pit and now the stupid cats pee'd in their private pit. I hate those demon furballs. They wake me up at 6am for food, barf on my comforter, pee in various spots around the house. HATE THEM.

Why do I still have them... Oh yeah, RESPONSIBILITY. Remember my MOM had to teach me that. I am responsible for my cats - their whole life. I chose to get them de-clawed, so no outdoor cats here. So, I do what every RESPONSIBLE owner of an annoying pet does. I clean up after them (cussing them the WHOLE TIME), I feed them, pet them and love them. But I hate what they are doing. And I know why. Nope, not medical - JEALOUSLY. Really the big issues began after we brought home Connor. Pre-kids our animals were our kids. Add real 2 legged humans to the mix and all the animals drop down a peg. Poor dogs, cats and fish. (Crap I hope those fish are still alive.)

Sebbie went from being my #1 bud through grad school, to being just a cat. It's not his fault, he just wants attention. I am trying to be better with clean boxes, and more kitty pets. I just want them to stop peeing (and waking me up at 6am). I want to love them again.

But, for now. It.is.war. I hate you demon fur ball pee/poo machines. But, let' snuggle later - K?