Well, first a glimpse into the future.... I am in the process of writing my story. My story beginning from my wedding day until, well, I'm not sure where I'll stop. But, it's a background on Jeff and I and our infertility story, but my version of it. I have told it lots, but I feel I need to share. Ok, maybe OVERSHARE. I laughed at blog I follow, her tagline reads something like, "Oversharing on the internet since 2003." That's what I do, "over share." Hee-hee!!!!
Yes, so eventually, I hope to post my story, probably in a few parts, someone seems to type rather long winded, geeze. I can't have you get bored, so we'll do segments.
OK, my rant at hand. You ever remember those moments; those moments that you were explained something and you simply thought, "No one can be that sensitive" or "Does that really matter" (typically I do an internal eye roll in this situation). However, when you find yourself in just the right situation, you think to yourself, "Shit that does make a difference, I was an under-educated moron" (insert mental head slap!). You know one of THOSE moments.
I'm digressing a hair, but I swear I will come back to the point. Huh, revelation, maybe this jump around writing style was why I almost failed English 101. Anywho, Tuesday, I took CC to Kroger to pick up a few random items. On our way home, I was listening to the Broadway Musical Channel (Sirus Radio Channel 77- LOVE IT), and what comes on but a classic Annie tune. Now, fellow Mom's with adoptive kids have told me that one day you look at certain things different. One pointed out Annie. Never thought about it, until Tuesday. As the windows are down and I am preparing to belt out the song, Maybe, I find myself fast forwarding through the words in my head going, I have never really LISTENED to this song. I mean I had the Annie soundtrack memorized by age 6 (thanks to my record player and a patient Mom who thought I sang like an angel). The lyrics---
Maybe far away, or maybe real nearby.
She maybe pouring her coffee, he may be straighting his tie.
Maybe in a house, all hidden by a hill.
She's sitting playing piano, He's sitting paying a bill...
Betcha they're young, betcha they're smart
Bet they collect things like ashtrays and art
Betcha they're good, why shouldn't they be
Their one mistake was giving up me......
Shit, lightbulb... BRIGHT LIGHTBULB... When I was skipping our adoptive parent classes while in NYC with my Mom, Jeff was learning something called "positive adoption language." You don't say gave up, the Birth Mom/Parents made an adoption plan. Your baby was PLACED with you when Birth Mom/Dad SURRENDERED their parental rights. No one gave up anything, there was always a plan for the child. The plan involved both sets of parents and a PLAN. You were always loved and wanted, you were never given up, you were placed my arms when D said, now go to your Momma, this plan was made for YOU. YOU will never have to wonder MAYBE, we have the answers, or we can help you find the answers. I know Connor's story since he was cooking in D's easy-bake womb at 12weeks old.
Anyway, back in May 2008, I thought positive adoption language was horse-puckey. Who cares? Are these 'adoptive people' really that damn sensitive? Let me tell you, when you find yourself in that situation, it does matter and apparently I am that damn sensitive. All I can compare it to is being a mother or family member of a child that has special needs. There is no way you would let ANYONE utter the word "retard" without jumping down their throat- then maybe pulling out their heart a'la Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom style. You wouldn't put up with that, and personally I would never utter that word. I felt really dirty even typing it. Eww, it's ugly, an ugly word. And that is how I feel about the phrase "Given Up for Adoption."
Recently there has been a lot of press on these Teen Mom's for the MTV reality shows. People magazine did an article - now their choice of using "Adoption DRAMA" on the cover was a bit much. However, reading the story, they did it right. The child was placed with her parents, there was a plan. NEVER was the phrase "given up" used. I was very impressed. Hell, they even used the term, Semi-open adoption. Go People, surprisingly you do your research --- or both sets of parents used these terms. Either way, the writer got it right.
The Today Show apparently did a segment on the same couple- you know the evil ones who "gave their baby up for adoption." Now, Today, in general, is very politically correct and the show comes off rather factual. I was unable to watch the interview, but read the story online. HOLY CRAP, PISSED is putting it lightly. I was seething with frustration. Weaved through this "story" was the phrase "Given Up." Never a mention of adoption plan, choosing birth parents, placing their child with the parents, nothing. Just a general feeling of we are back in 1960- when birth mothers really did HAVE to give up their baby or were forced to give up the child. That is a totally different time full of horrible social stigmas. That situation is totally different, I can say thank God people learned from all that. And damn it in 2010, people should be smarter than that.
So, yeah, I was pissed. I even took a moment to write Today a letter. I doubt anything will get done, but I did it. I stood up not just for me and my beliefs, but for my son. I never want him to feel he was unwanted, unloved and simply given up.
Baby boy, there was always a plan for you. You were never given up, you were literally placed in my arms, your birth mother introduced you to me as your Mom. And Damn it, if anyone ever tells you that you were "given up" tell them to run.
It's time I stop just turning the other way and avoid "a moment" by correcting someone when they say, "oh his Mom gave him up." Nope, his Mom is who you are talking to, and his birth Mom made a plan for him. Lucky for Jeff and I that we were part of her plan. I guess it's time I start not just using the positive language I found so silly, but using it to educate others. I just need to do it a little nicer, not so a'la Temple of Doom, people seem to frown upon it when you literally rip out their beating heart. God, people are so damn sensitive. :)
Yes, so eventually, I hope to post my story, probably in a few parts, someone seems to type rather long winded, geeze. I can't have you get bored, so we'll do segments.
OK, my rant at hand. You ever remember those moments; those moments that you were explained something and you simply thought, "No one can be that sensitive" or "Does that really matter" (typically I do an internal eye roll in this situation). However, when you find yourself in just the right situation, you think to yourself, "Shit that does make a difference, I was an under-educated moron" (insert mental head slap!). You know one of THOSE moments.
I'm digressing a hair, but I swear I will come back to the point. Huh, revelation, maybe this jump around writing style was why I almost failed English 101. Anywho, Tuesday, I took CC to Kroger to pick up a few random items. On our way home, I was listening to the Broadway Musical Channel (Sirus Radio Channel 77- LOVE IT), and what comes on but a classic Annie tune. Now, fellow Mom's with adoptive kids have told me that one day you look at certain things different. One pointed out Annie. Never thought about it, until Tuesday. As the windows are down and I am preparing to belt out the song, Maybe, I find myself fast forwarding through the words in my head going, I have never really LISTENED to this song. I mean I had the Annie soundtrack memorized by age 6 (thanks to my record player and a patient Mom who thought I sang like an angel). The lyrics---
Maybe far away, or maybe real nearby.
She maybe pouring her coffee, he may be straighting his tie.
Maybe in a house, all hidden by a hill.
She's sitting playing piano, He's sitting paying a bill...
Betcha they're young, betcha they're smart
Bet they collect things like ashtrays and art
Betcha they're good, why shouldn't they be
Their one mistake was giving up me......
Shit, lightbulb... BRIGHT LIGHTBULB... When I was skipping our adoptive parent classes while in NYC with my Mom, Jeff was learning something called "positive adoption language." You don't say gave up, the Birth Mom/Parents made an adoption plan. Your baby was PLACED with you when Birth Mom/Dad SURRENDERED their parental rights. No one gave up anything, there was always a plan for the child. The plan involved both sets of parents and a PLAN. You were always loved and wanted, you were never given up, you were placed my arms when D said, now go to your Momma, this plan was made for YOU. YOU will never have to wonder MAYBE, we have the answers, or we can help you find the answers. I know Connor's story since he was cooking in D's easy-bake womb at 12weeks old.
Anyway, back in May 2008, I thought positive adoption language was horse-puckey. Who cares? Are these 'adoptive people' really that damn sensitive? Let me tell you, when you find yourself in that situation, it does matter and apparently I am that damn sensitive. All I can compare it to is being a mother or family member of a child that has special needs. There is no way you would let ANYONE utter the word "retard" without jumping down their throat- then maybe pulling out their heart a'la Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom style. You wouldn't put up with that, and personally I would never utter that word. I felt really dirty even typing it. Eww, it's ugly, an ugly word. And that is how I feel about the phrase "Given Up for Adoption."
Recently there has been a lot of press on these Teen Mom's for the MTV reality shows. People magazine did an article - now their choice of using "Adoption DRAMA" on the cover was a bit much. However, reading the story, they did it right. The child was placed with her parents, there was a plan. NEVER was the phrase "given up" used. I was very impressed. Hell, they even used the term, Semi-open adoption. Go People, surprisingly you do your research --- or both sets of parents used these terms. Either way, the writer got it right.
The Today Show apparently did a segment on the same couple- you know the evil ones who "gave their baby up for adoption." Now, Today, in general, is very politically correct and the show comes off rather factual. I was unable to watch the interview, but read the story online. HOLY CRAP, PISSED is putting it lightly. I was seething with frustration. Weaved through this "story" was the phrase "Given Up." Never a mention of adoption plan, choosing birth parents, placing their child with the parents, nothing. Just a general feeling of we are back in 1960- when birth mothers really did HAVE to give up their baby or were forced to give up the child. That is a totally different time full of horrible social stigmas. That situation is totally different, I can say thank God people learned from all that. And damn it in 2010, people should be smarter than that.
So, yeah, I was pissed. I even took a moment to write Today a letter. I doubt anything will get done, but I did it. I stood up not just for me and my beliefs, but for my son. I never want him to feel he was unwanted, unloved and simply given up.
Baby boy, there was always a plan for you. You were never given up, you were literally placed in my arms, your birth mother introduced you to me as your Mom. And Damn it, if anyone ever tells you that you were "given up" tell them to run.
It's time I stop just turning the other way and avoid "a moment" by correcting someone when they say, "oh his Mom gave him up." Nope, his Mom is who you are talking to, and his birth Mom made a plan for him. Lucky for Jeff and I that we were part of her plan. I guess it's time I start not just using the positive language I found so silly, but using it to educate others. I just need to do it a little nicer, not so a'la Temple of Doom, people seem to frown upon it when you literally rip out their beating heart. God, people are so damn sensitive. :)
Kim, wonderfully put! I am glad he was placed into your and Jeff's hands! He has been given a chance to live with a WONDERFUL family, and I am extremely happy to be part of his life! I have thoroughly enjoyed watching "little man" grow up and I will teach him the ways of throwing "the stink nasty!" haha. Hope to see the whole gang soon!
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