6 month Foob-a-versary

I cannot believe I had surgery over 6 months ago.  Surgery feels like it just happened yesterday; yet also feels a life time ago.  I've been so consumed with writing about chemo and it's fallout, I have not updated on the foobs.  To continue with the brutally honest posts, this one is no different.  I will have pictures and descriptions on what is currently going on.  Yes, I took them with my selfie stick too!  My photos are a bit graphic and explain the reality of what a post "direct to implant" breast (ha-ha --foob!) looks like.  Also, they show what a 41 year old (who just finished chemo and is a little fluffy)  looks like. Don't judge, I like beer and chocolate and my lack of a 6 pack shows that.

Here goes.....

Let's start with some basic stuff.  I still have a lot of numbness.  Lately, I have been having foob pains, which I think are nerves or something healing.  The achy feeling is annoying.  When I run, the achy is different, I can feel the attachments of the alloderm.   The sites are at my sternum and on the lateral side of my rib cage.  The white part of the diagram below is close to where my alloderm is located.  It makes the pouch or hammock for the implant to sit in.

Now, this next picture shows how my chest muscle is used to hold my foobs in place.

This means, for me, I have a lot more "animation" in my foobs.  Periodically, I will feel the foob/chest muscle tense up, then relax.  It's is odd.  It's not like I'm walk around flexing my chest all the time, but it certainly feels that way.  If we are talking sometime and you notice my left foob is twitchy, please ignore it.

Now that you know the anatomy of what is happening under the skin.  Here is what the foobs look like in their relaxed state.

Now do you see where I could add in a third foob?  I have a good 3 inch or so gap there, when standing. My saved nipples do not really face forward.  Both are looking off to the side, which I guess is better than them being cross eyed.

A note about the nips.  Simply put, they have a mind of their own.  Ladies know when their "head lights" are on, you can feel when that happens.  With my new setup here, I have no idea when they turn on.  Besides that, the "low beams" seem to always be on.  I am not sure if I will ever regain full sensation of them.

Next up, a flexed view.

This is the reality of what having a mastectomy has changed. When my chest tenses up, my nipples go wide and flat and the foobs spread to the side.  It's all due to the new physiology of how I am constructed.  I typically do not walk around like this, so it's not a problem.  But, when using my chest muscles, I can feel how malformed it must look.

Side view.

This is my right side.  I highlighted how my surgical incision, so you can tell where they cut.  It is really healing nicely.  My node scar and drain scare are still there.  I'm 99% sure my dreams of being a topless model are over.  Oh well.

If I was to bend over, you would be able to feel and see the rippling of the foob implant.  This is a limitation with doing straight to implant versus expanders.  When doing skin expanders, you have more control over the skin and the breast pocket.  With my direct to implant, they could only work with what was there.  Plus, trying to save the skin and nipples, became paramount to a big set of jugs.  This is why I knew I would eventually need a revision surgery.

Laying down, I can feel both foobs drift off to the sides.  Mine not only drift, but leave a few canyons open.

The implant moves leaving that gap (and you can see a bit of my incision).  The gap annoys me.  I really thought I would lay down and the foobs would never move.  Apparently, mine move a lot.  I am hoping revision surgery will help this.

All in all, the foobs are healing.  I expected to "feel" more in 6 months as well as, no longer have the stretching sensation when running.  When my rib cage expands for a breath, I can feel the pull of the alloderm.

Besides the foobs, I will say, I have lost some shoulder flexibility, and obviously upper body strength.  Now that chemo is over, I am now able to work back on that.  But, I doubt I will ever do a real pushup again.  I have changed my focus more on retaining flexible chest and little strength.  I fear doing too much pec/chest work will affect the foob.

All in all, 6 months post surgery, I'm not doing too bad.  It was a LONG ROAD those first few weeks, but now I don't even remember the pain in the ass called "drains."  I cannot find a comfortable bra.  A lot of that has to do with the location of Lucifer.  I am still in sports bras and a few non-underwire bras.  Since I know I will be having a revision, I am trying to hold off on getting any more.  But, wearing grandma bras is getting annoying.  I fear trying on a swim suit, but I guess I have to get that going soon.

Oh well, first, let me get back to my normal weight, then I will worry about a swim suit.  At least I have some new floaties -- i.e.foobs -- to use this year!!!