Yesterday was an odd day.
CJ decided to try the sport of wrestling; truth be told, CJ’s
parents signed him up for wrestling. I knew it would be a good sport to keep him occupied in the winter
months. Wrestling would be something new
for us all to try and experience.
I knew it would be a physically and mentally demanding
sport. Wrestling, like gymnastics, is
not just a physical game of who is stronger, but a mental game. I hope that CJ learns greater
self-confidence, to believe in himself and his abilities, and to have fun. That
is a lot to ask for a 5 year old. To
have the confidence to simply step on that mat, alone, is a huge task.
His first match, the opposing child was maybe a little
taller, but not necessarily bigger. It was a good even match up. As it began, instantly I felt something
off. I felt like I was watching two kids
in a pit match. A primal, physical fight
for the win, while all us adults looked on and cheered. It felt off to me, like how it may have been
to cheer the fighters on in the Coliseum.
I’m still trying to make sense of that feeling I had. I think it is because of the one on one
nature of this sport. There can only be
one victor, and he (or she) can only win, alone. No team to help here.
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| CJ Match 1 |
I am essentially a pacifist.
But, I do enjoy a good MMA match.
However, when it’s my son out there and other people are cheering for
his opponent to “Stretch” him or “shoot” him. It felt wrong. When my son came up crying, due to a move the
other child did, it was hard. Tears are
ok, physical pain can go away, but it was the mental anguish I did not expect.
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| CJ Match 1 |
Hearing my son say, “I can’t do this” was hard. Seeing chinks out of my son’s mental armor
was difficult. I have never seen him so
crushed with self-doubt. Never.
It was not even like CJ wrestled poorly, he was just out
wrestled. Trying to get him back out
there was hard. He wanted to leave, to
stop; the tears flowed like a river. Two
choices, give the old “toughen up speech” or validate him. Yes, CJ, that move hurt, but you are OK. You are a good wrestler, you can do
this. He looked at me in his tear filled
eyes and said, “No mama, I can’t do it.”
My heart began to crumble. He is
a good athlete, but without self-confidence, you will never succeed. Luckily, I kept up my annoying, “You can do
this. Stay on your feet, stay off your back and you will succeed.” I used all my self-talk tips that I learned
during my years in gymnastics.
He was on deck, the butterflies were getting the best of
him, “My tummy hurts,” he said. “I know,
Connor, that means you are nervous to go back out. But you can do this. You are brave and strong and a good
friend. You are a great person and YOU
can do this.”
“Mama, I am not brave. Can we go home?"
I had the choice to let him leave or force him out of his
safe comfort zone and finish his meet. I was brought up to finish what you
start, and this was no exception. I
forced him back on the mat, as he wiped tears from his eyes. I ran up to the stands and cheered my heart
out for him. He looked up at me several times as I kept cheering him on.
CJ did great, won the match with a pin, and the other little
boy left crying. My heart went out to
that little guy, especially when his tough as nails Mom grabbed him and
instructed him to “Stop crying right now” through clenched teeth.
It’s tough to ask a
five year old to “man up.” Let him be five, let him cry; sadness, and fear are
real feelings. I validated CJ’s
feelings. That move DID hurt, it was
scary. But, it’s OK, these things
happen. Then, it’s my job as his parent
is to try to teach him how overcome the fear and sadness.
After winning that second match, I thought Connor’s
confidence would boost. I was wrong;
still his little head was filled with self-doubt. Again, I gave the “You are brave for even
stepping on the mat alone. You are a
good person, and a good friend. You can
do this next match. Stay on your feet
and off your back. You can do this. You just did it last match.”
Self-confidence, CJ, you are learning self-confidence when
you are outside of your comfort zone.
He went up for his final match, again, wiping tears as he
stepped on the mat. My heart, I just
wanted him to feel like the confident little boy I know him to be.
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| CJ Match 3 |
Again, he won the match.
Again, I cheered my heart out.
Again, the other little boy cried. I felt bad that Connor’s take downs
resulted in tears. But, my Mom was quick
to add, no Mom came up to me when her son made my son cry. She was right; it is part of sport, even if
it’s the yucky side of sport.
CJ finished the meet, placing in second place. He received his medal and was all smiles.
Wresting is a demanding sport. I hope CJ decides to complete in another
meet. I hope he did gain some confidence.
I do hope he learns to lose and win gracefully. As for me, I am sure wrestling will teach me
more lessons as well. That, I did not
expect.
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