Promises, Trust, and Open Adoption

Six years ago, I sat at my computer, working as if it was any other day.  The TV was on because Jeff was home.  I remember hearing him watching The Price Is Right, as I was answering call after call.  Watching the time tick on by, feeling the butterflies in my stomach. Pondering, are we doing the right thing?  I knew as going to work until 2pm.  To pass the time at work, I would think about what outfit do I want to wear.  Will it be the right outfit?  I mean it's going to be in pictures forever.  Then the pit in my stomach would churn; I was wondering how does she feel?  I am a bottle of nerves. Jeff was so nervous, we could not even talk to each other.  The air in the house was thick with fear and excitement.  At 2pm, our life was going to change.  A dramatic change that only a small percentage of the population experiences. 

Six years ago, a young Mother made the most difficult choice in her life.
Six years ago, this young Mother had to sign papers, terminating her parental rights. Forever.
Six years ago, this young Mother had two things to cling to, faith and trust.
Six years ago, she had to trust a couple would keep their word. There is no law that governs "Open Adoption."

Open Adoption is a covenant. A Sacred bond between families.  A promise that can be severed without reason or any repercussion.  No one in the government cares if an adoptive family decides to cut contact with the birth family.  The birth family has no legal tie to the child, even if a blood tie exists.   All a young birth mother has is the word of strangers.  Strangers that say, "YES, I will care for this child all my life."  And say, "Yes, of course you can be a part of the child's life."  In my heart, I knew my words had to be truth, it could not just be lip service.

But, how many people make a promise and over time break it? Sometimes the bond is broken for a reason, and sometimes time just has a way of dissolving a promise when it is not cultivated by either party.

Six years ago, I PROMISED she would always be a part of his life.
Six years ago, I PROMISED we would figure things out to make them work.
Six years ago, she gave me a piece of her heart and I gave her mine.

Then a new family was created.

What happened six years ago in a hospital hallway; I will never forget.  I will never forget hearing the quiet sobs from a hospital room as she spent her last moments as his legal mother.  I will never forget the smiles we saw from nurses and social workers as we signed some papers that made me his Mom and Jeff his Dad. All the while her papers stacked right below ours, stating she was no longer his Mom.  Her rights gone, with a simple signature.  I will never forget how my heart hurt so much, yet was filled with so much joy.  I will never forget the whispers telling us what a wonder thing we were doing.  All the while, those whispers forgot her and her pain. She was the one doing the most self-less thing ever.  She was the one that needed the whispers, not us. We were leaving this hospital with our arms and hearts over flowing.  She was leaving with only a promise of two strangers. 

Six years ago, the world changed for three families.  Six years later, two families are still holding to their covenant.

For one family, time just seems to have loosened the bond.  Only a Christmas card and a letter.  It's one sided.  But, I made a promise.  I will live up to mine, even if it is not reciprocated. I could stop, but I do not. I do it for HIM.  I do it for the little baby boy who was wrapped in her arms as she said a quiet prayer through tears.  For the little boy I promised I would do my best to keep them in his life.  However, you can never force a person to be in a relationship they do not participate in. So, for that one, it is currently onside.  Maybe it will change, maybe not.  Only time will tell.

 For the other family, we meet up.  We visit, we KNOW each other. We joke, we have fun.  That little bundle of boy that wore the Calvin Klein onesie (chosen by her) knows her. They have a love and it is so natural; we love her too.  We all share a bond, his name is Connor.  He is a combination of her heart, my heart, Jeff's heart and the love from all of our families. 

That little boy is such a blessing.  Dana is such a blessing.

Six years ago she trusted Jeff and I, and six years later, I think she still does. Or at least I hope so, I mean we did just go to the Zoo with her yesterday :)

Six yeas have gone by in the blink of an eye.  We are lucky and blessed that we have held on to our promise.  I trust we will continue to grow and love with each coming year.  Open Adoption works, as long as it is cultivated, loved and cared for by all the families involved.